Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Leyland Adventures

By: EkingJames5

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is okay, but it doesn't really tell the readers very much about the plot or characters.

-Cover: The font of the title doesn't stand out, but it is noted that this is a working cover.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- There are not too many grammar issues.

- Dialogue tags are usually on the same line as the dialogue.

- The location of author's note is sort of distracting when it is placed right after the title of the chapter.

Plot & Characters

- There needs to be a little more set up in terms of what kind of world these characters live in, as it doesn't seem to be like this world.

- There is a lot of expositional dialogue seen, especially in the first chapter. Instead, perhaps consider adding some background in what the character's narration.

- Maybe more set up on who these main characters are is needed to help set the scene. When he gets acquainted with the fairy in the first chapter, he casually mentions that he also has fire powers, which seems to be quite suddenly mentioned.

- It seemed odd that the moment he fell from the sky and regained his senses, there was no feelings of panic or confusion or bewilderment. Perhaps the first thing that he would try and figure out is what happened and how to get home, or if his brother or anyone is trying to fix the problem or worrying about him, etc.

- It's strange that the monarchy would do their own dishes or have their children wash dishes.

- It says at the beginning of Chapter 2 that he woke up at 12:45, but it is not said how this is known. Is there a clock, watch, or other device that tells him this information? Is he approximating by the sun's position in the sky? 

This story seems like an action-packed adventure. Best of luck with your writing journey!