Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

3

By:  Violetxrose1235

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title doesn't tell readers much about the story. Perhaps a more descriptive title would attract more readers, such as "Three Things to Remember" or "3 Lessons Learned" or something to that effect.

-Cover: The cover is nice, but the author's name is a little hard to read.

- Blurb: Blurbs typically include an introduction to the main character, their situation, and what is at stake. This blurb does not include the latter two.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

The grammar is for the most part flawless.

Plot & Characters

-Perhaps the story would be even more engaging if some of the events that are mentioned are illustrated in flashbacks.

- Though we are not medical professionals, it didn't seem very plausible that a head injury would cause someone to slowly die while they are still conscious. Often times, severe brain traumas render the victim unconscious or with severe disabilities.

- In the chapter titled "2," it says the nurses were wearing heels, but it seems unusual that the nurses would be wearing such formal footwear in a presumably modern-day setting.

- In the chapter titled "Nobody," there is a lot of dialogue without dialogue tags and there are three people in the room, so it is a little hard to tell who is speaking.

- The child in the chapter "Nobody" says he is ten but he acts a lot younger. A lot of ten-year-olds know about cancer and death. This child sounds more like a toddler, perhaps around three years of age.

The writing of this story is articulate and it flows nicely. We wish you the best in your writing journey!