Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Toxic Lips

By: DestinyJones____

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title doesn't seem to fit a secret agent story, is there other meanings to it, or is it just the name of the club?

-Cover: Though the cover is nice, it doesn't really match the secret-agent themes of the story.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- There are some minor grammatical errors.

Plot & Characters

- The acronym TSS is not defined at the beginning, which might be useful to explain as soon as possible so readers know what that stands for right away.

- Because the first and last name of "Frank Lucas" could be first names, it becomes a bit confusing when he is referred to by his first name in one chapter but his last in the next because it seems like two different people. So perhaps stick to only the last name or first name, or change the last name to a name that is more known exclusively as a surname, (ie. Smith)

- The agency organization can use a little more development. How is it run? What are its main objectives? Other structural information like that might help give readers more context.

- Although it is recognized that Cole Ryder is the cold-hearted gang leader, his personality seems almost irredeemably evil, like his view that he owns Natasha Williams.

This seems like an interesting start to a story, and we wish you the best in your writing journey ahead!