Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

The Bekimono

By: lostinnowhereland13

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover is beautiful.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

-Title: The title works.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

The grammar is good for the most part.

Plot & Characters

- There can be more emotions, thoughts, and senses integrated into the story. When she was being told that everyone in front of her was from different eras of the past, what did she feel about that? When she flew, how did that make her feel physically?

- The pacing is very quick.

- The worldbuilding can use a little more work. For example, when they start to fly, it's hard to picture what that looks like. In the scene where the hī-bāchan meets the team, are they all just floating around, standing? Also, perhaps orient the reader a little more with some geographical context of where they are in Japan.

- It is confusing as to who is who because there are a lot of names, especially when there's banter. Perhaps spend more time building up the characters' personality, traits, and specific abilities.

- Argument and banter seems to make up a lot of the dialogue. 

This seems like a neat story concept with a lot of action and some mystery unfolding. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!