Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Falling For The Captain

By: LittleKatcake22

First Impressions (Ex. Cover, blurb, title)

Cover: The red color of the font makes it a little difficult to read the title.

Blurb: The blurb is good.

Title: The title seems to work for the story.

Mechanics:

- Some grammatical errors were noticed, like comma placement and capitalization.

- There are some tense shifts in the story.

- Taking a look at the pacing, the beginning takes a while before we get into the story.

Plot: 

- It is understood that in South Africa, soccer is called football. However, when Hayden talks to the American students about football, the American students would call it soccer, and might even misunderstand Hayden at first due to the different names.

- Not many American high schools offer scholarships, mostly colleges do. Perhaps instead of a scholarship that shows the other students Hayden's capabilities, they could witness his prowess at the tryouts or on the field. As for his future career, he still might want to go to a high school in the States if he wanted to get noticed by colleges for a college scholarship.

- It is said that they are not rich but are comfortable, but their lifestyle seems to be higher end. Their huge house, staying in a hotel in Beverly Hills, etc.

Characters:

- All the girls act the same, where a lot of them physically cling to Hayden which feels unrealistic. 

- The parents are a little uncomfortably crude in the way they joke with their son. 

- A lot of the characters seem to be unrealistically friendly. 

Though there are a couple things that can be tweaked, you got a solid start here. Best of luck on your journey forward!