Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Fall or Fly

By: xxInAHeartbeatxx

First Impressions: (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

Cover: The cover looks fine.

Blurb: Since the blurb is just an excerpt, maybe it would be good to add a short bit about the plot, to give an overview of the story. Maybe something like "Being recent adoptee from the foster program, Charlotte has a hard time connecting with her new parents and fitting in at school. The loss of her parents weigh heavily on her shoulders and it has been a long time since she has been happy. But what happens when she meets too-good-to-be-true jock named Caleb? Will she find someone to confide in to help her fly, or will he be the source of a broken heart in which she falls?"

Title: The title seems to be fitting.

Mechanics:

There are some typos here and there, but it is not too distracting most of the time.

Plot:

A couple of minor inconsistencies that were noted include:

- In Chapter 24, in the fifth paragraph, it says, "Katrina, Gareth, and Paige didn't deserve all that I did to them..." but she hadn't met Paige yet, she only finds out her name at the start of the next chapter.

- In Chapter 41, it says "my hand was shaky" and then later on "I moved my hand to slap him again," but it wasn't said initially that she slapped him, so when it mentions she slaps him again, it doesn't make sense.

A couple of the reactions seemed to be a little understated, such as:

- In Chapter 38, her reaction to Caleb when he said "...don't compare my life to your petty attention seeking suicidal attempts..." seemed a little understated for what he just said. It felt pretty insulting and insensitive to her experiences.

-In Chapter 40, Zeke told her about a secret deal with her boyfriend that he won a date with her. She slapped him and then later Caleb hit him. But his comment was not revisited after the fight. But maybe that comment would've planted a seed of doubt in Charlotte's mind about Caleb's true motives, in which she might want to address later in conversation with him.

Perhaps after taking a look at some of the inconsistencies and adjusting some of the reactions, this story is a great narrative that keeps readers engaged. Best of luck on your writing journey!