Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Legend of the Breeze- Person in the shadow

By: Shirruri

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is fine.

-Cover: The cover is nice.

-Blurb: The blurb is good but it ends in a lot of questions. Maybe try to reword some of the rhetorical questions into statements, such as something like, "They must find out who is behind all of these murders."

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There are some grammar issues. Perhaps enlisting the help of an editor would help.

Plot

- In Chapter 15, the main character begins to hear a voice, and questions whether it is Shinshu or not, and continues to hear this voice in the following chapters. "Shinshu" is not explained until Chapter 25, but perhaps it would make sense to introduce it earlier.

Characters

- There is discrepancy when it comes to how old the main characters are. In chapter 13, they reveal their birth year, 2010, which would mean they are nine years old (assuming this story takes place in present day, Spring 2020). But then in chapter 21, Pablo says that he has been living with Miz for sixteen years.

Seems like an interesting story, and there are some great illustrations. Best of luck in your writing journey!