Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

24 Weeks And A Day

By: EmpressPenguin

First impressions: (ex. Cover, Blurb, Title)

-Cover: The cover is nice, clear, and accurately conveys the story.

-Blurb: The blurb covers all the points of a good blurb.

-Title: The title is appropriate for the story.

Mechanics: (ex. Grammar and sentence structure)

-There some are errors in the story that are a little distracting in terms of flow. Nothing too extreme, but a good read through or editor can maybe help.

-Some of the swear words are censored out, but it feels unnecessary, especially if you have people saying dirty pickup lines that are arguably as 'bad' as swearing.

Plot:

-The plot has a nice progression, the pacing is alright. 

-Her financial situation is curious, as she as an apparemment to herself at a young age, and it wasn't clear what age she was. She did medical assisting in college, and then one year of writing, so she is just five years out of high school?

-The integration of the Spanish language and the translations are good, it is woven in well.

Characters:

-We don't get a good sense of who Alden is at first, even after a brief introduction. Maybe more emphasis can be put on his age, looks, and other information. This can be said for other characters as well, such as the age or other identifying details about Mr. François. 

This story has a good start, I think there are good ideas and it has a potential. Best of luck with your writing!

-Ellie