Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

A Vampire's Sacrifice

By teasiboni

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is good.

-Cover: The cover has a nice color scheme and image, but the text is on the girl's face and the font style and color is hard to read against the background.

-Blurb: The blurb is alright but maybe don't mention the romantic subplot with the cook and the gardener. It's a detail within the story, but might confuse readers if mentioned in the blurb.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There weren't any grammar issues spotted, and the sentence structure is fine.

Plot & Characters

- Try spending a little more time on the introductions of the characters- there are some names that appear for the first few times that do not come with an explicit explanation. For example, it never said that Mabel was the name of the grandmother, and in chapter one, the mother is referred to as Helen but in chapter two, she is referred to as Hallena.

- The pacing can maybe be worked on a little. We don't see vampires until later on in the story, even though this is a vampire romance (or anything supernatural). The plot seems to take a while to get started.

- More explanation of the setting would perhaps be helpful for readers to understand the context, such as why, how, where, and what kind of world this story takes place in. (We're not talking about physical descriptions of the setting, but the reason why there are certain features of society) This seems to be a present-day society, until the mention of floating vehicles, and then it seems to be futuristic. This connects with the previous comment about not seeing anything supernatural for a while in the beginning.

- There is a lot of descriptive details, so be careful not to overdo it. Too much detail can loose the reader in exposition.

- Because the subplot romance between the cook and the gardener isn't really connected to the main story with Daniel, it seems like it could be in a different book all together.

- The introduction of the vampire does not seem to have any connection with Daniel, so it is confusing as to why it is there. 

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