Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Cast from Hell and Paradise

By: tammygisselle0602

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

Title: The title seems appropriate, but perhaps can be catchier.

Blurb: The blurb seems to cover all needed areas.

Cover: The cover is legible and balanced.

Mechanics:

There are a couple things to look out for in terms of sentence structure or grammar. For example, some sentences could benefit from the addition of an article like in Chapter 1, there can be an addition of "The" in front of the sentence "Seconds seemed endless."

Plot: 

An interesting plot, but in the first chapter, it is a bit confusing as to what the voices were just in his head or supernaturally happening to him. It is understood that the nature of the story is where that information is slowly being unraveled, but it might help to let the reader in on what kind of abilities this individual has, or what kind of creature this individual is earlier on.

At the end of the first chapter, Ramos noted the teen. After giving the thumbs up, Ramos just replied "Yeah" in agreement to Veronica's comment. This contrasts to the rest of the chapter, where we are let into many of his thoughts. Perhaps one last thought, at least internally by Ramos would help bring closure to this chapter.

This story seems to have an interesting plot, we wish you the best in your writing journey forward!