Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

DEMON CRY

By: Nicental

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is good and fitting.

-Cover: The cover doesn't give off the same epic fantasy vibes that the story is giving off.

-Blurb: The blurb also conveys a more urban fantasy story instead of epic, so perhaps reframing the blurb a little will help attract the right audience.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- There does not seem to be many grammar issues at all.

- Some of then sentences are the same length. Perhaps try varying up the sentence lengths a little more to provide a smoother reading experience.

Plot & Characters

- Perhaps more worldbuilding, and perhaps a little more exposition would be helpful to orient readers, specifically explaining the names that are introduced a little more.

- The concept about the bond was interesting, but could perhaps use a little more explanation.

- We found it odd that the queen was not addressed as "Your Highness," but instead "My Lady" by orphan in Chapter One.

- It felt like Amara liked living in the castle but a few paragraphs later, she disliked living in the castle. So the suggestion would be to space it out a little more, to make it a more gradual change.

There seems to be a nice plot forming, with some good emption and descriptions. Best of luck in your writing journey!