Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Palace of Dreams and Lies

By sovereign-diamonds

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is good.

-Cover: The cover is fine.

-Blurb: Some details like the names of the cities are unnecessary and the blurb can use more explanation on the plot.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- There are minimal grammar mistakes but the dialogue is a slightly confusing mix of formal language and modern language.

Plot & Characters

- The pacing could be a little slower.

- It seemed odd that she didn't realize the man visiting was the prince, as you would imagine that she knew the prince was coming over and what he was wearing.

- In chapter seven, it said that the prince must marry her or go to war. However, the politics of this proclamation is sort of confusing because she is not a royal, so it is not understood as to why this marriage would prevent a war.

- More worldbuilding will help readers visualize the story better. For example, in chapter nine, there was more worldbulding needed to answer some questions about what the situation was like. What did the boat look like? Was it a sailboat or was it a ship? Did the prince have an entourage, or any travel companions? What did the water creatures look like, exactly? And if they had to abandon their boat, did they loose their belongings?

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