Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

A Thousand Details

By: meganwatkins101

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title) 

-Title: The title is fitting.

-Cover: The cover is good.

-Blurb: The blurb works.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- Some grammar issues here and there, but nothing too extreme.

- It was noticed that there were some run-on sentences or sentences that perhaps should end and start with a new sentence. For example, in the Epilogue, Oliver says, "Besides, don't you stalk her on social media, I think you'd be the first to find out if she's coming to see the band." but perhaps there should be a question mark after the word "media," and then start with a new sentence.

Plot & Characters

- In the first few chapters, she seems to be mourning the loss of her sister and then her attitude contradicts herself quite soon after, so there's a bit of emotional whiplash.

-  It says that a producer flew in from LA in Chapter 3, and in Chapter 4, they arrive in California. But where did they start? It mentions it later on in chapter 38 that Oregon is the home state, so maybe mention this earlier to orient the readers.

- In chapter 19, It starts with Dylan saying something about Back to the Future. And then she asks another question, seemingly with no connection. Perhaps a little introduction to what they are doing (We assume playing 20 questions?) will help place the activity.

- Also in chapter 19, when she's talking with Xander, she mentions "...it's a dream come true. I just need to release an album now and that's my bucket list all checked." But that wasn't Dylan's bucket list? Or if it was also hers as well, perhaps she could say something (or at least think) that hers is the same as his.

- In Chapter 28, Theo never answers Seb's question. Even if it was intentional that she didn't answer his question, perhaps it would be good to mention that she never did.

- Good ending, perfect lead in for a sequel. The epilogue is a great tease. It creates curiosity for the two other people she came with, especially the guy.

This story features some thoughts about grief and a genuine passion for music. Best of luck with your writing journey!