Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Gallery of Secrets

By: chiminities

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover looks good.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

-Title: The title is nice.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There are a couple grammar mistakes here or there.

Plot & Characters

- In the second chapter, she mentions that she got taken advantage of, sexually. This doesn't come up too often and it's kind of mentioned so nonchalantly that it seems a bit added on for effect.

- We don't see the character's life outside of their meetings at the museum for the first few chapters, so the interactions are very limited and we don't really get much of a sense of an in depth personality.

- In Chapter six, she seems pretty drunk and he's tipsy yet coherent. So when he initiates the kiss and they end up going further, it doesn't seem very fair for him to be intimate with her when she's in such a state.

- Chapter 11 seems to be in Willian's POV, so perhaps a heading will help orient readers.

- Also in Chapter 11, it says he rounded a corner and sprinkled water on his face, but where did he get the water? Was he no longer in the car at that point?

- In Chapter 12, she wakes up and confirms she's at her parent's house when she answers the phone. But in the last chapter that was in her POV, Willam had dropped her off at her own house. Unless she still lives in her parent's house, but if that were the case then perhaps that needs to be more clear, especially in the scenes prior.

This story seems to be coming along with some twists and turns. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!