my step brother

39 Wednesday

WEDNESDAY:

Me and Nat woke up and yawned and stretched and got out of bed. Me and Nat both used the restroom and went into the kitchen and Nat let her dog out. Noah yawned and said good morning my beautiful family. Nats mom said we are going to church I said errr ok she said something wrong Elle I said I haven't been to church in a long time and I also have really bad anxiety. Nat said you will be with me and Noah you will be ok I sighed and said ok fine I trust you guys and she said good. Nats parents left for work and Nat also left early I said um ok and looked at Noah. I said I'm going to take a shower he smiled and said ok sounds good. A couple minutes later I got in the shower and started listening to Black Veil Brides and started jamming out and singing and I stopped and remembered when me and Shawn showered together and I bit my lip. An hour later I got out and dried off and changed and put my clothes up and sprayed some body spray on and headed into the kitchen. Noah said me next and I laughed and said ok and he got in the shower a little while later so I hung out with the kids. A little while later he got out and put his clothes up Nats youngest sister fell asleep on my chest and I took a picture and smiled. I was running my hands through her hair while she slept Noah said aww. I looked up and smiled and said yea I think she's tired he said yea probably and he sat down beside me and his other little sister climbed on his lap and cuddled against him. I said aww and we took a group picture and I smiled and put my phone down and we all watched a movie. We all fell asleep and Nats parents got home and took a picture of all of us and sent it to me and Noah and Nat. A little while later we all woke up and I saved the picture every one took a shower and we all changed and got ready for church I started getting anxious Nat said its ok Elle I said ok. A little while later we all got to church I held Nats hand and we walked the little ones to their class and we went to our class youth group. We walked in and I stayed quiet I sat down and everyone started playing games together and talked. Someone walked up to me and sat down and started talking to me I said hi I'm Elle. They said well hello I'm Saun I said um hi Saun it felt extremely weird talking a Saun. A little while later youth service started and Noah and Nat sat next to me I started getting an anxiety attack and I couldn't breathe. I got up and started shaking and walked outside Saun side hey Elle Nat said it's ok she's having an anxiety attack. Noah got up and immediately followed me outside I put my phone in my pocket. Noah said hey Elle I looked at him and my eyes started watering and I couldn't breathe.  I put my head against Noah's chest and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head and said shhh it's ok just breathe Elle alright. I mumbled I want Shawn he said the youth leader I shook my head and he said oh never mind I know who you are talking about. A little while later we went back into the service and sat down Noah held my hand so I wouldn't freak out and it worked. I just also really miss Shawn right now he has been extremely busy all day. A little while later I fell asleep against Noah's shoulder and he smiled woke me up when church ended. Noah hoisted me up and we walked out and got his little sisters and met back up with their parents and we all headed home. Noah helped me and tucked me into bed and plugged my phone in and said night Elle I said night Noah and fell asleep. Nat came to bed a little while later and also fell asleep next to me.