Stupid Supergirl AU's

DnD

The characters as actual things my family has said during DnD (Lena is the dungeon master)

Nia: "Can I be a chair with good dexterity?"
Alex, wheezing: "Now I'm picturing an actual chair walking and it's the funniest thing ever. Like would it walk like a dog? Or would it walk like a human on it's two back legs?"

Mon-El: "Can I used destruction magic to blow up the chair?"
Lena: "You're literally a fucking garden gnome."

Kara: "I want to be a seductive lizard."
Alex, seductively: "Draw me like one of your GEICO lizards."

Alex: "Did Kelly decide to be a tree?"
Kelly: "Yep."
Alex: "Then I fuck the tree."
Lena: "Nooo."

Kara, panicking: "I throw Lori at the monster!"
Lena: "Kara! That's your child!"
Kara: "She's kryptonian, she'll survive."
Lena: "She's three!"
Kara: "You've met that child! She'd kill the monster before either of us could stop her."

Mon-El: "I throw the Dungeon Master at the monster."
Lena: "The monster catches the DM and decides to stomp on Mon-El - shattering the gnome."

Alex: "I go up to the monster and slap it for being a little bitch-"
Lori, giggling: "Bitch!"
Everyone: "Lori no!"
Lori: "Lori yes!"
Kelly: "Oh my god, she's Kara."

Lena: "The next person who tries to kill me has to start paying rent."
Hope, a literal A.I: "I yeet the DM at the chair."
Lena: "I hate everyone."
Nia: "I dodge the yeeted DM."

Nia, clears her throat: "I sing the monster to sleep."
Lena: "But you're not even a bard-"
Nia: "MY NECK, MY BACK, LICK MY-"
Lena: "NIA NO!"

Nia: "I spawn a Hippogryff and ride it into the sunset."
Lena, on the verge of a psychotic breakdown: "Please don't."
Kelly: "Can I have a Phoenix then?"
Alex: "I want a Basilisk."
Kara: "I spawn a dragon and ride off with Nia."
Mon-El: "I want a Niffler."
Lori: "Hawwy Totter!"

Hope: "I give myself legs."
Jess: "I break Hope's legs."
Lena: "Lord give me strength."

Hope: "I want legs LenA."
Lena: "If I have a breakdown, no one is going to have legs."
Jess: "You tell her!"
Kelly: "Wait- what?"

Lori, crawling into Lena's lap: "Mommy."
Lena, looks down at Lori: "What is it baby?"
Lori: "Dwagons! More Dwagons!"
Lena, almost crying: "Please stop."