Stupid Supergirl AU's

Drunk Kara, Alex and Nia

"Lenaaaa! I want a caaaat!" Kara stumbled towards the dark-haired woman. "Wait! You're not Lena!"
"What?" Lena glanced up at her.
"MY Lena doesn't wear glasses! You're a fake!" Kara jumped on top of Lena.
"This is not how I wanted my Friday night to go." Lena sighed, attempting to dial Kelly's number.
"Who are you?!" Kara yelled at Lena.
"Kelly, she's at it again." Lena said through the phone.
"No, no, no. You white ass people need to stop coming to me. Drunk Kara is your problem. Unless Alex is sma-" Kelly suddenly stopped talking and started yelling, "ALEXANDRA DANVERS I SWEAR ON YOUR MOMMA'S LIFE, IF YOU DON'T STOP THREATENING TO STAB SPONGE-BOB; AND THEN PROCEEDING TO STAB MY TELEVISION, I'M GOING TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO GUNS WEEKLY!"
"Okay I'm sorry for calling. It seems like you've got your hands full. I'll call back later." Lena hung up and faced Kara, who was still yelling at her.
"I mean, you're sexy and super hot! But you're not Lena!" Kara eyed her up and down. Lena finally took off the glasses and Kara changed immediately. "Oh, hi Lena. Did you fight off your imposter?"
"I should get paid for marrying you. It's like I'm taking one for the team, and the team is Earth." Lena mumbled.
"We should get a caaat." Kara pulled on her sleeve.
"Kara, no-"
"Wait! No! Not a cat, five cats." Kara got all excited.
Lena watched as Kara quickly vanished out the door, which resulted in her phone ringing. She answered it after immediately recognising the number.
"Your idiot is here again. She's sobbing heavily while trying to smash open the cat cages. Now she's crying because we hid the cats from her. Please come pick her up. We're getting tired of having to feed her potstickers to keep her from getting to the poor animals." The pet shop worker said.
"I'm really sorry, I'm on my way."

"Sponge-Bob is looking at me like he wants a fight!" Alex said, flying off the couch towards the television.
"No he's not, he's smiling." Kelly sighed.
"Where's my knife?! He wants to start a fight!" Alex searched her many pockets.
"You threw it out the window because the clouds looked like they wanted to fight." Kelly rolled her eyes.
Alex looked back at the tv and started to make stabbing gestures at it. She was moving around it like she was in the middle of a knife fight.
"Take that! And that! And that! And that!" She was yelling.
"I really hope Brainy is having a better time than me."

"Oh hello Lena. Is Kara here too?" Brainy asked Lena.
"Is Nia trying to steal a cat or a dog this time?"
"Neither, she killed a rock that she thinks is a turtle. She was giving it CPR for a good thirty minutes. She's around the back with the workers having a funeral for Trinity the Turtle." Brainy informed her.
"Why do you we let them drink?" Lena questioned.
"Same reason we lock Mon-El outside. Views on YouTube." Brainy watched as Nia walked towards him. She was crying and so was Kara.
"Trinity is dead Brainy! I loved him!" She cried.
"They have no cats Lena! No cats!" Kara sobbed.
"Would you like to swap?" Lena asked, "I'll take Nia, you take Kara."
"No. I'm afraid Kara might jump off a building or try to see how indestructible she really is." Brainy refused, "I'll take Nia home where she will pass out."
Brainy left with Nia while Lena was left to take Kara back to their house.

"Alex please, let's go to bed."
"That wasn't a sexy let's go to bed. That was a 'I'm done with your shit' let's go to bed." Alex said, already closing her eyes. She held her favourite knife in her hand as Kelly left her on the couch.
"Please don't stab my new couch. Lena has her session tomorrow and that woman is 99% stress. She doesn't need to know that you sleep with a knife when you're drunk. I'm trying to help her, not make her worse."
"She married Kara. She's never going to get better." Alex mumbled as she fell asleep.

"Lena! Watch me eat this grenade!" Kara said, pulling the pin out of a grenade.
"KARA!" She yelled as Kara swallowed it whole.
A small bit of smoke left Kara's mouth as she smiled at Lena, "I can eat grenades!"
"Why on earth did I marry you?"
"Because we balance each other out! I'm the tall, you're the short. I'm the muscle, you're the...what's the opposite of muscle?" Kara looked like her brain was working overtime.
"I'm the brains because you have none." Lena mumbled.
"Lena, can I visit Alex? I need to ask her what the opposite of muscle is." Kara requested.
"No! You're going to bed." Lena pointed.
"No fair! You get to go out to see Lex!"
"I was kidnapped by him!" Lena argued.
"And? I don't see your point."
"Kara go to sleep."
"But I didn't get a caaaat!" Kara crossed her arms.
"Don't make me count to five." Lena raised her eyebrow.
"What happens on five." Kara inquired.
"You don't want to know. One."
"You won't do anything to me."
"Want to bet? Two."
"You're bluffing."
"Are you going to risk that? Three."
"I um-"
"Four."
Just as Lena started to sound out five, Kara super sped into bed.