Stupid Supergirl AU's

A Bunch of Random Moments

Lori, listening to Sirius bark: "Oh my god, same dude same."
Yelena: "Can she actually speak dog?"
Lena: "I thought she was just fucking with us."
Wanda, reading Lori's mind: "A bit of both. Also, Kelly, how do I politely tell me girlfriend that it is not a mood to stick her head out of a window?"

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Lillian: "Lena, why do you always feel the need to attack us with words?"
Lena, without missing a beat: "Kara said it's not nice to attack family with guns."
Lex, overhearing: "YOU LITERALLY SHOT ME!"
Lena, sighing: "I miss the good old days."

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Lori: "Wanda baby, can I ride you?"
Nat and Carol: *Chokes on their food*
Kelly, Andrea and Alex: *Spits out their wine*
Mon-El Kara: *Comes sprinting into the room because what the fuck Lori*
Hope and Brainy: *Malfunctions*
J'onn, Eliza and Lillian: *Mouths drop as they drop their silverware*
Yelena: *Sculls her cup of vodka*
Eve, Winn and Jess: *Pretty much die*
Lena: *Pulls a gun from her her thigh holster and places it on the table in front of her as she waits for Wanda's answer*
Wanda: "W-what?"
Lori: "Can I ride you?"
Wanda: "Lori, I don't think that's appropriate."
Lori: "Why not? Nia let me ride her."
Nia, choking on her food: "I most definitely did not."
Lori: "Yeah you did, you let her get on your back and ride you around."
Lex: "Oh my god, you're so fucking stupid. That's called a piggyback."
Lori: "Yeah. What did you all think I meant?"
Everyone: *Goes quiet*
Lori: "Wait! Mom! When did you get a gun?"
Lena: "Who are you? The paparazzi? Stop asking questions."

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Lena: "Remember Lori, it's not murder if you don't get caught."
Kara, taking baby Lori from Lena's arms: "Um what? It most definitely still is murder. And that's illegal."
Lena, glaring at Kara: "I was showing her a picture of Lex."
Kara, inching further away from Lena: "Oh then by all means, that makes it okay."
Lena: "I thought you'd agree."
Kara: "That was sarcasm Lee!"

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Lori: "Hey Brainy, hey Brainy."
Brainy: "What?"
Lori: "Can you teach me every language you know?"
Brainy: "Why?"
Lori: "So I can cuss around my mothers."
Brainy: "I don't want to die. Go ask your girlfriend to teach you Sokovian."
Wanda, walking into the room: "She did, I said no."

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Lena: *Gets down on one knee*
Kara: "Oh my god! Yes!*
Lena: "I'm tying my shoe."
Kara, sadly: "Oh."
Lena: "And we're already fucking married, you idiot!"

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Wanda: "I have no idea why, but Lena just thought that she wished she were a dinosaur."
Kelly, looking at Lena: "Explain."
Lena: "I wish I was a dinosaur because then my wife would LOVE ME!"
Kara: "Oh my god, you're so dramatic. All I said was I wasn't going to buy kale 'cause it's disgusting."
Wanda: "Now Lena's thinking that she wishes she was a dinosaur because then she'd be dead."
Lena: "STOP DOBBING ME INTO THE THERAPIST!"

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Lena: "Lori, you were supposed to take out the trash."
Lori: "I did."
Lena, sighing: "How many times do I have to tell you that, although it is hilarious, you cannot put Lex and Mon-El in trash bags and leave them on the curb?"
Lori:
Lena:
Lori:
Lena: "I already tried that, they wouldn't take them."

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Lena: "Momma-"
~Simultaneously~
Nat, Yelena, Wanda, Lori, Lillian, Kelly, Winn, Eve, Andrea and Sam: "Just killed a man!"
Kara, Nia, Alex, Carol, Jess, Eliza, Marcus and Mon-El: "Mia, here we go again!"

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Nia: "There's something strange in the neighbourhood, who you gonna call?"
Brainy: "We're superheroes. Can't we handle it?"
Nia: "Brainyyy, it's a reference!"

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5 year old Lori: IM A LUTHOR
Current Lori: IM A DANVERS-LUTHOR

5 year old Kara: DINOSAURS AND DRAGONS
Current Kara: DINOSAURS AND LENA

5 year old Alex: I'm into boys I swear
Current Alex: THIS IS MY FUCKING WIFE AND MY PERSONAL GUN

5 year old Kelly: I'm gonna help people
Current Kelly: IM HELPING PEOPLE

5 year old Lena: Ahh
Current Lena: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Kara: "Hey Lena."
Lena, looks up from her microscope: "Yes Kara?"
Kara: "Can you spell folk for me?"
Lena: "F-O-L-K"
Kara: "Cool, now what's the white of an egg called?"
Lena, without missing a beat: "The albumen."
Lena, looking back at her research: "But that's a good one. Go see if Brainy or Lori will fall for it. And film it for me please."
Kara, disappointed: "Okay."

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Lex: "What are you going to do? Stab me?"
Lena: *Looks at the knife in her hand*
Lex:
Lena:
Lex:
Lena:

~Twenty minutes later~

Lillian: "You stabbed him?"
Lena: "What was I going to do? Say no?"