Stupid Supergirl AU's

Group Therapy ft Marvel

"Hey Lori, people keep calling me a milf." Wanda looked at her, "So who did you tell about me having kids?"
"You have kids?" Nia asked.
"We literally all watched Wandavison which is why Kelly makes you go to therapy now." Lori answered, crossing her arms.
"Oh that's right." Wanda shook her head.
"But I was the person who pointed out that you're a milf."
Everyone choked on their drinks upon hearing was Lori said, aside from Kara.
"What's a milf?"
"It's a-"
"Lorelei Danvers-Luthor, if you tell your mother what a milf is, I will make another child just to give L-Corp to them." Lena threatened.
"But you're so oldddd. Your breast milk would be like powdered milk. You'd need to mix it with-"
Immediately after, Lori was being chased around the office by Lena.
"Oh my god, Lori's going to die." Wanda laughed.

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"Remind me again why Nat and Carol aren't here." Wanda looked towards Lori.
"I would tell you to read my mind to find out, but you have enough trauma." Lori replied.
In the next second, Carol ran into the room.
"Carol?"
"You might see Nat naked in roughly two seconds. However, as hot as being murdered by naked Nat is, I don't want to die. So distract her." Carol hid in the closet.
Lori sighed, "And she's back in the closet."
Sure enough, a naked Natasha walked into the office, "Where is she?!"
Lori looked her up and down, "Oh my. Good for you, Nat. Good for you." Lori applauded her.
"Thanks. Now, where is my girlfriend?!" Natasha yelled.
"I assume she left the planet." Kara replied.
Lena walked in, "Nope! Not dealing with this. Kelly!" She looked at Kelly, "We're going to Julie's office."
"Why?" Kelly asked, immediately regretting walking into the room to see  Natasha naked in front of everyone, "We're going to see Julie."
"Yayy I love Julie!" Lori rushed to get up.
"No!" Kelly and Lena jinxed.
"You are staying here." Lena told her.

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"What do you get when you mix a horse with a cow?"
"A weird segment on the history channel late at night." Lori answered Nia's question.
"Scarred for life." Kara answered.
"A weird sex fantasy." Loki answered.
"I'm going to have to start charging Lena extra for group sessions." Kelly shook her head.

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"You know, if this were actually Marvel and DC canon shows, Natasha wouldn't be here." Lori pointed out.
"Neither would you." Carol defended Natasha.
"Wait guys, why wouldn't I be here?" Natasha asked, "Guys. What happens to canon me?"
"You get fucked so hard you end up in a coma." Marcus joked.
"Sounds about right." Natasha shrugged.
"By Hulk though. Not by Carol."
"WHAT?!" Natasha yelled.
"Hulk smash...dat ass." Lori laughed.
"NO!" Natasha cried out.
"It's okay babe. We're together in fanfics." Carol rubbed her back.
"Okay, but I'm also with Nat in some fanfics." Wanda pointed out.
"Oh my god! Powerful redhead couple!" Nia squealed.
"Nia, lovely lovely Nia. I am trying to fuck Wanda. Don't give her ideas." Lori crossed her arms.
"I knew it! You are trying to fuck Wanda!" Cassie pointed out.
"Cass, I have literally slept with half of National City. This should not come as a surprise to you." Lorelei looked at her, "We are in an open relationship."
"Yeah but you love Wan-"
Wanda used her magic to throw Lori out of the window, "Thank god. Crisis avoided."
Not even a second later, Lori was in the room, "Do it again!"
"No!" Kelly yelled.

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"I'm going to give you three seconds to-"
"Fuck me!" Lori yelled as she fell off the couch.
"Don't mind if I do." Wanda joked.
"Watch yourself Maximoff, 'cause once you go Danvers, you never go back." Lori threatened.
"I can confirm that." Lena agreed.
"So can I." Nat seconded it.
"Yeah me too." Cassie shrugged.
"That's a mood." Kelly added.
"For the ever loving fuck, how many of the people in this room are fucking a Danvers?" Wanda asked.
"It could be five, but Miss Writer Lady won't let me fuck you."
"That's because Wanda's like thirty." Nia pointed out.
"I have mommy issues!" Lori cried.
"Well I mean. That's a start." Kelly wrote that down.
"Wait! Which mother are we talking about?" Kara got defensive.
Lori: 😳

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"MOTHER!" Lori yelled, "ITS TIME I FACE MY TRAUMA!"
"For the love of Thor, please just sit down." Loki sighed.
"NO! Aunt Kelly has said that a good coping mechanism is to pick my fights. Unluckily for me, most of my fights are with people stronger than me or they have access to Kryptonite." Lori explained, "So, I may as well fight my Mom while she doesn't have Kryptoni-"
"Kara, if Lori lays a finger on me, you won't have a finger in me for the next week." Lena threatened.
"Never mind!" Lori yelled, "Aunt Kelly, I want to stop having sessions with my parents."
"I want to stop coming all together." Wanda said.

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"The next person who calls me SuperLuthor is going to fucking die." Lori threatened.
"SuperLuthor? That's adorable." Wanda awed.
"Never mind. I love it. Keep calling me SuperLuthor." Lori immediately went back on her word.
"And I'm supposed to think she's still in love with me?" Cassie questioned.

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"Cassie broke up with me." Lori cried.
"I did not. I said you can't keep putting vanilla ice cream on Hawaiian pizza." Cassie clarified.
"What the actual fuck Lori?" Lillian looked disgusted.
"In her defence, it tastes oddly good." Kara shrugged.
"Kara Zor-El Danvers-Luthor and Lorelei Samantha Danvers-Luthor, I raised you both better than that." Lena shook her head.
"You didn't raise me." Kara farrowed her eyebrows.
"Actually, she pretty much did. Especially after she made the stupid decision to marry you." Alex pointed out.
"Just like Kelly is raising Alex." Nia added.
"And all of you are raising Nia." Brainy added.
"When did you sign up for therapy?" Lori asked.
"Lena said she needed her emotional support straight. Which now I see is because I'm her best friend and I'm straight." Brainy looked towards Lena, "Did I get that right?"
"Yes. Yes you did." Lena nodded.
"Do I get a sticker now?"
"Wait! Brainy is getting stickers?!" Nia gasped, "Where are my stickers?!"

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"I think I'm in love with Hope." Jess admitted.
"Fucking finally!" Lori sighed in relief, "You're officially the second last person to realise that."
"Lori! Don't dismiss her confession." Kelly shook her head.
"But Aunt Kellyyy the sexual tension was so obvious."
"That's literally the only reason I built Hope a body." Lena crossed her arms.
"Did you guys forget that I'm right here?" Hope asked.
"Nope!"

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"Aunt Kelly, I think I have a problem." Lori admitted.
"What is it?" Kelly asked.
"I have this weird urge to throw Ma into space." Lori looked down.
"Same, you get used to it though." Lena told her.
"Starting to think maybe hooking Lena and Kara up was a mistake." Alex admitted.
"Fuck you Alex, my moms are perfect!" Nia yelled at Alex.
"Nia!" Lena yelled.
"Sorry Mom."
"What the fuuuuck?" Lori looked between them.

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"I'm starting to think I have a thing for redheads. I saw this picture of Poison Ivy and immediately started asking plants if she was single." Lori confessed, "Apparently she's dating Harley Quinn. Maybe she could join your dating a dumbass group."
"No, no. There are literally too many characters already. Stop trying to add more." Kelly refused.
"But she's hottttt."
"What happened to me being the sexy redhead?" Wanda glared at her.

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"So I walked in on Wanda changing." Lori told Kelly, "And honestly, I literally went so red that I matched her costume."
"I-"
"I also told her that she should put a fucking shirt on because otherwise I'd get her pregnant again." Lori added.
"How could she-"
"I don't even have a dick. And I'm too young to have a kid. And I don't know why I said it. But now I can't take it back and she thinks I want to have kids with her. She's so traumatised." Lori continued her explanation.
"No, no. But tell them the best part." Carol egged her on.
"Then she threw me into space with her magic. And, because of gay panic, I forgot I could fly. Carol had to come get me." Lori looked towards Wanda, "I'm really sorry."