Stupid Supergirl AU's

Random Moments

"Remind me again why I have to dress like this." Wanda glared at Lori.
"Oh because I'm trying to give my moms a heart attack." Lori replied.
"I get that, but why do I have to be the one to not be wearing pants and wearing your NYU sweatshirt?" Wanda looked back at her.
"That's purely for satisfaction." Lori admitted, "Also, the more you pretend to be sleeping with me, the less time Yelena has to try to destroy me in GTA."
Wanda threw her Sokovia sweatshirt at Lori, "If I'm wearing barely anything to the briefing, so are you."
"Fineee." Lori took of her pants and threw on the sweatshirt, "Happy?"
"No."
"Brilliant!" Lori smiled, "We should probably put pants on though."
"Yeah, let's do that." Wanda smiled, grabbing her jeans and putting them on.

"That's why we're changing up the night patrol groups-"
"Sorry I'm late!" Lori rushed into the briefing.
Everyone went quiet upon seeing the sweatshirt she was wearing.
"I'm going to need a drink." Yelena and Lena jinxed.
"Why are you late?" Kara asked.
"Oh uh I got lost." Lorelei lied.
Kara walked over, "Crinkle." She touched above Lori's nose, "You do that when you lie. You get that from me. So tell the truth."
"I uh- I was super distracted by food. I was eating ice cream."
"What flavour?" Nia asked.
"Uhhh Strawberry." Lori replied.
Wanda walked in, "Hey guys. Sorry I'm late, traffic was horrific."
"Oh hey strawberry ice cream." Natasha greeted her, resulting in Nia and Lena choking on their waters.

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"No! Don't do it! Turn around!" Lori yelled at the television as if she was watching a horror movie.
"You don't deserve this! Run away you stupid bitch!" Lena added.
"What are you two watching?" Kara asked Lena and Lori. Kara looked at the television, "Is that our wedding tape?"
"In their defence, you do do some stupid shit." Natasha pointed out.
"You've also blown up Lena's lab more times than I can count." Alex pointed out, "And that was before she said I do."

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"Is it true that you guys go a prenup?" Lori asked her mothers.
"Yeah it is." Lena answered.
"Why? Like Ma taking half of your money would still make you a millionaire."
"It wasn't my decisi-"
"They said half of everything Lori! She's not getting half of my Pokémon cards! Or my pop figure collection!" Kara yelled.
"And you wonder why I turned out this way." Lorelei looked to her mother.
"I should've divorced her." Lena said, "At least then I would've gotten the hypothetical dog."
"Wait. Who would've gotten me?" Lorelei asked.
"Oh, you were never in the agreement." Kara admitted.
"Yeah, we both agreed that we needed to have a fully publicised court battle - over two years long - to see who the public backed in their case." Lena added.
"And I just wanted to yell its because I'm a Danvers, isn't it at her."
"I can't believe you added a hypothetical dog, that you never got, and not your own daughter." Lillian shook her head.
"Also, Kara gets Nia."
"NIA WAS IN THE AGREEMENT?!" Lori yelled, "SHES AN ADULT, I WAS A CHILD!"
"I knew we shouldn't have told her." Kara looked to Lena.
"Shut up, the agreement was all your idea. And you wrote half of it." Lena said.
"Does that mean that she also gets half of the agreement? Like you can cut it in half?" Nia asked.
"I'm surrounded by idiots." Kelly finally admitted to herself.

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"Hey Lena, I need to talk to you." Wanda said, dragging Lena into her lab.
"Is this a mother - to - former-mother talk? Or hero - to - hero? Or billionaire - to - the-woman-who's-screwing-her-daughter talk?" Lena asked, "Because I need to prepare." Lena said, cocking her shotgun.
"Never mind. I'll just go talk to Kara." Wanda ran out of the lab.

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"I just wanna be loved!"
"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Natasha?" Lori asked her.
"She does this every time I top her." Carol sighed, "She gets clingy and needy and wants to be babied."
"Give her some vodka and shoot her in the foot. It worked when Wanda and Nat hooked up." Yelena said.
"What?!" Lori and Carol jinxed.
"She used to have a sexy Sokovian accent. Plus, I didn't know you existed at the time." Natasha admitted. "Also, it was one of those fighting-to-fucking things."
"Post or pre Civil War?" Lori asked.
"Post." Nat admitted.
"Excuse me while I go do a Natasha." Lori excused herself and went out of the room.

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"How long do you think it'll take for Wanda to find out about Lori's secret stash of Wanda pop figures?" Nia asked.
"My money's on Nat finding Lori's secret stash of Natasha pop figures before Wanda does." Mon-El said.
"Hey guys, what are we talking about?" Yelena asked as she flopped on to the couch.
"Lori's hidden stashes of pop figures." Marcus said.
"She has one of me hidden amongst all the Natashas. She also has a statue of me under there." Yelena said, "It's pretty worrying."
"I knew I shouldn't have let her watch that movie." Marcus shook his head, "You tell her about one movie with two hot leads and she ends up obsessed." Marcus turned to Nia, "How'd she react to WandaVision?"
"She was jealous of Vision. Said something about how Wanda should be with her and have her babies." Nia told him.
"And now they're together." Natasha looked over at Yelena, "Maybe if you start watching WandaVision, you might get a chance to sleep with Agatha."
"Is that the purple witch?" Yelena asked, "Because if so, sure. But I would rather sleep with the brunette with the," Yelena started gesturing at her chest, "You know, the big-"
"Just say Darcy. You want to sleep with Darcy." Marcus said.
"At least the het male understood." Yelena shrugged.

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"Has anyone seen Lori?" Wanda asked the group.
"Is she in trouble?" Lena responded.
"No."
"Oh. Then she's with Yelena, Nia, Marcus, Kara and Alex. They went to the store to get candy." Kelly replied.
"The idiots are out together?" Wanda questioned.
"And we haven't been called to the police station yet!" Hope butt in, "That's character development."
Everyone went quiet.
"We should probably check on them." Lena looked to Kelly.
"Gear up? Just in case?" Kelly asked.
"Yeah, let's go." Lena nodded as they all geared up.

When they got to the shops, they saw Lori and Kara cuddling puppies. Nia and Alex were looking at clothes, Yelena was buying vodka and Marcus was busy playing video games in the store.
"I'm so proud of them."
"Ending simulation." Hope said.
"Noooo!"
Everyone was once again in Lena's lab.
"I wanna go back!" Natasha begged Hope.
"My idiots weren't idiots in that simulation. It's no fair!" Kelly whined.
"Guys. How long were we in the simulations for?" Lena asked, "Because I smell fire."
"Oh no!" They jinxed as they ran upstairs to find everyone crowded around the burning microwave as Carol and Kara tried to put it out.
"Home sweet home!" Natasha yelled through gritted teeth.