Stupid Supergirl AU's

Therapy

"There comes a time in every queer girl's life where they end up having two mummys in their contacts." Lori said, "For me, that's been the case for my entire life." Lori looked Kelly dead in the eyes, "But now I have three."
"I can confirm that the first part of that sentence is true." Lena confirmed.
"Wait, what?" Alex looked at Lena.

————————

"I may or may not have made Kelly cry." Wanda admitted.
"Don't be sorry, that means that you won." Yelena stopped the apology.
"I don't think it means she won. I think it means she's fucked up." Lena pointed out, "And if it's coming from me, you know it's bad."
"She was in the foetal position." Wanda continued.
"You'd think she'd be more prepared for you...considering we all watched WandaVision." Nia shrugged off the situation.
"Guys, Kelly is outside having a full breakdown." Alex said, "If our therapist is broken, how do we get free therapy?"
Lena sighed, pulling her credit card out of her wallet, "Guess I'm going to have to start paying."

————————

"Apparently eating mayo straight from the jar isn't normal." Lori shrugged, "And so now I'm in everyone's phone as Mayo Monster. And honestly, that's a step up from what it used to be."
"What did it used to be?" Kelly asked.
"Disappointment." Lori replied.

————————

"Lena, you need to get out of that lab. Go outside for once." Kelly told her.
"But that's where people are, and that's disgusting." Lena grimaced.

————————

"Don't be surprised, but I was a nerd in school." Lena admitted.
"I'm pretty sure that's a surprise to no one." Nia replied.
Lena glared for a second, "There goes your allowance."
"Mother-figure no!" Nia yelled.

————————

"I love the diamond industry. It's so unethical! It's amazing!" Natasha got excited. "I mean, take blood diamond so example. They-"
Lena cut Natasha off, "Romanoff stop. You're upsetting Kara, Carol Lori and Nia."
The four previously mentioned were all clearly upset and scared of Natasha.

————————

"Who would want to live in Scooby-Doo anyway?" Yelena questioned.
"Oh my god! That would be so dope!" Lori squealed.
"I shotgun Daphne!" Nia yelled.
"Lena would be Velma." Natasha pointed out.
"Kara's Fred, 'cause she's the leader." Alex pointed out.
"Lex is the evil billionaire who dresses up and tries to scare everyone." Lori made the casting choice.
"Lori is Shaggy 'cause she spends her free time smoking pot and can eat a loooootttt of food." pointed out.
"I am not." Lori glared.
"Then you're Scooby and Yelena is Shaggy." Nia argued.
"Okay fine. I'll be Shaggy." Lori sighed.
"Sooo that answered my question." Yelena shook her head.

————————

"I tried and I failed. So I'm going to go to sleep." Lori said, laying down across everyone's legs.
"Lori, it's two pm." Kelly pointed out.
"Get off me." Yelena said as she pushed Lori off of her and everyone else.
"Ow!" Lori groaned.

————————

"You were right, Lena." Kara smiled proudly.
"I know." Lena smiled.
"Which means you were right about the fact that you are a dumbass deep down." Alex pointed out.
"I know." Lena groaned, her smile fading.

————————

"Also, the concepts of good and bad are arguably meaningless because we can assign preferred characteristics to either side." Lillian pointed out, "Not to mention-"
"Look, all we asked is did you intentionally leave Lena in the shower overnight when she was a child or not and whether you believe that makes you a bad parent." Kelly pointed out.
"No. I honestly forgot I had a child." Lillian answered.

————————

"I want to compliment you and say I'm proud of you. But you were literally just calling my wife a slippery mother fucker." Kelly glared at Lori, "And I honestly can't compliment anyone who makes fun of my wife."
"Thanks babe." Alex smiled.

————————

"Lori, you can't just eat your way to victory." Kelly sighed.
Lori, stuffing her face with potstickers, "I know, but I sure like to try."

————————

"I'm gay." Hope admitted.
"Yeah, no shit. Nothing Lena makes ever turns out to be straight." Alex said as everyone turned to Lori.
"What?" Lori questioned, zoning back in to the conversation.
Lena choked on her drink, "Oh my, Alex is right."

————————

"I went to the children's hospital the other day and Lex was there." Kara said, "Apparently some kids want to meet villains."
"He was just as surprised as you were." Lena told her, "He called me saying that he tried to get out of it, but the kid refused. Apparently the kid said that he'd release information about Lex's personal life that could take him down."
"That's terrifying." Alex admitted.
"Good thing I'm too old to beat up this kid." Kara said happily, "Otherwise, he'd be another one of my villains. And I already have too many."
"I'm not afraid to beat up a kid. Which hospital is he in?" Lori stood up, ripping her shirt off to reveal her suit.
"Lori no!" Everyone jinxed.