ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

RESEMBALANCE

NOTE - This entire chapter is written from Oli's side of the story 🖤

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When I woke up the following day, Mat had messaged me: 'Call me when you get this'.

His message plagued me with nerves and shot fear into the pit of my stomach given last night's revelations, even though I was convinced that Roses' baby wasn't mine, if she even had a baby. It was all just speculation and honestly, I wanted to just forget all about it.

When I called Mat, he didn't even say hello when he answered, he just greeted me with a statement. "flower_girl95 is definitely Roses." he said. I wasn't even fully awake yet, but his news made me feel so fucking sick and uncomfortable. He told me how he'd stalked flower_girl95's followers and how all of them had photos with Roses in their feeds from the previous year, before she disappeared. The whole situation made me feel uneasy, but it didn't prove anything, and honestly, I kind of wished he'd just drop it so I could forget about it. "So? They could be from the same friend circle... that makes sense if Cassidy knows her..." I said, trying to justify his new findings. There had to be an explanation for all of it - one that didn't involve me what so ever.
"Oli. There's a video on Cassidy's story where I can see the baby's hospital band. It says Madison." he stated. "Roses' real name is Willow Madison. I remember because I joked in Mexico that she had the same surname as porn star Holly Madison." he added. I felt my stomach knot and a heavy, crushing feeling in my chest. I exhaled hard because at that moment it was pretty evident he was right; flower_girl95 was Roses, and Roses was a Mother.

Knowing that Roses was pregnant, well, had been pregnant and apparently now had a baby made me feel so displaced... I didn't want kids, but it made me feel like shit to know that she'd moved on from me in such a huge way. Clearly she didn't stay loyal to me or think that there was a chance I'd change or want to be with her again - not that she had any reason to do either. I had been a fucking asshole to her. I knew everything was my fault, but I still felt betrayed by her new life. She had completely forgotten about me and moved on and it pissed me off. I knew that was selfish, but I couldn't help my jealousy from emerging. I guess her moving on made me feel rejected in some ridiculous way.

"Well... Congrats to her for fucking up her life I guess." I said bitterly with a shrug. I felt really fucking weird, kind of like sick, uncomfortable, jealous and borderline angry at the same time.
"Oli, you have to ask her if it's yours." Mat said seriously. He was kidding, right?
"Mat, it is not my fucking kid. There is no way it's possible." I snapped. I was sure of it, but I was starting to doubt myself because of the way Mat kept questioning me.
"OK well, get her to confirm it then. If I was sleeping with someone and 9 months later they had a baby, I would want to be fucking sure!" he quipped. I guess he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. I really, really didn't want to be any part of Roses' life. I had liked her a lot in Mexico, I really had... probably a hell of a lot more than I ever let myself accept but it just wasn't meant to be. She made me happy back then, but the timing was wrong and the fun I had with her was all just a memory now. We'd both moved on and things between us were too damaged. 

I felt like shit. I severed ties with Roses in the most spectacular way in Mexico, and I did it so she could move on, but I guess I didn't expect her to move on so much, so fast. I honestly felt rejected, jealous and hurt by her new life in some fucked up way. For some reason I hated knowing that she didn't care about me anymore, that I was just a memory to her. That I meant absolutely nothing to her. Anyway, none of it mattered anymore, I was back with Zoe and we were happy.
"Oli, please just ask." Mat begged me.
"How would I even contact her?" I asked, as I contemplated it.
"I don't know, message flower_girl95? If she doesn't reply, message Cassidy." he replied. I told him I would think about it, but I didn't want to think about her or whatever she had going on at all. 

I didn't message Roses. I didn't message her that day or the next. I didn't want to give it another minute of my head space. I also didn't want to jeopardise my relationship with Zoe because of my ex... hell, Roses wasn't even an ex, just a hook up, and in my heart, I knew her baby wasn't mine. I was too careful for that. Mat gave me moments of doubt, but I was positive that nothing had gone wrong in Mexico. Besides, Roses would have told me if it were mine! She wasn't a bad person, or the type of person who would hide that kind of information from someone who had every right to know about it, even if I had treated her badly. Mat had clearly never considered that. 

The whole situation actually started to frustrate me - it was all I could fucking think about. I got sick of giving so much of my head space to the whole thing... to Roses and her new life when it was nothing to do with me anymore. I hated all the memories and the thoughts about what could have been, and the moments of hellish doubt where I imagined her baby was actually mine. I distracted myself with writing, tour rehearsals and I fucked Zoe a lot to try and forget about it, but I kept feeling angry and betrayed. I didn't even want kids, but for some reason I was jealous that she had this new life - that she was absolutely fine without me; that she had completely moved on. The whole thing refused to vacate my mind and all of my memories from Mexico reared their ugly head in the process. The memories weren't bad, but honestly, it really started to piss me off that I kept thinking about our time together. I didn't want to remember the past or think about her when I had a future with someone else.

Mat turned up at my house again a few nights after we spoke and once again, I felt fear in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't like I genuinely thought there was a possibility that her baby could be mine, it was just the way he kept going on and on about it. It really fucking pissed me off that he'd just rocked up at my house too. Zoe had only just left... I don't know what exactly he wanted, but he could have fucked up everything by coming around and blurting out some stupid new theory in front of her. I was just pissed off at the whole thing, including him; the messenger.

"What the fuck is it now?" I asked with frustration as I stood and watched him get out of his car after parking in front of my garage door. "You haven't messaged Roses have you?" he asked like he knew. I rolled my eyes and groaned. "No. I don't want anything to do with her, OK?" I said. "It's not good for anyone." I added. I was annoyed, but Mat's face looked so worried. I knew him well enough to know that his expression meant something was wrong. "What?" I asked knowingly. He looked so uncomfortable and hung his head as he pushed his hands into his pockets as he stopped on my porch in front of me. "I'm your best friend and I'm telling you that you need to message her." he said calmly and almost sadly. My heart was racing. I felt nauseous.
 "Why?" I automatically asked. He just sighed.
"I saw a video of the baby. Cassidy posted it but has since deleted it. I tried to screen grab it..." he said trailing off. He couldn't look at me and I felt like my entire body was on fire. "Dude just fucking tell me!" I said anxiously. I was so frustrated. What the fuck had he seen? Mat looked at me with the strangest expression and took a huge breath. "I don't know how to say this exactly, but... the baby kind of had a resemblance..." he said. I just stared at him while my insides felt like they were twisting and knotting themselves. I felt dread creeping into the pit of my stomach.
"What the fuck are you on about?!" I said desperately.
"Oli, it fucking looks like it could be yours." Mat suddenly blurted out as he looked dead at me. I wanted to vomit, but instead I laughed. I think it was my fight or flight response kicking in. "Are you feeling alright? I think you're seeing things mate." I said, though my joking was just a cover up for how fucking terrified I had become. Mat didn't laugh, he didn't even flinch, he just looked at me like he was telling me bad news and that made me nervous. Mat was always joking, so when he was serious, he meant it. "You need to message her. Please." he pleaded. A bolt of fear went through my chest and numbness spread through my entire body as he looked at me with furrowed brows. He wasn't kidding around and I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt like I was in a nightmare. "Mat... you're just fucking with me, right?" I asked seriously, knowing that he wasn't. Mat just looked at me with a frown and shook his head.

Fuck.