ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

TRY AGAIN

[Cassidy heard Oli screaming at Willow through the phone, so as she cried in her lap, Cassidy sent Oli a private message through Willow's 'flower_girl95' instagram account. She was furious.]

"This is Cassidy. I know you're confused and shocked right now, but HOW FUCKING DARE YOU speak to her like that?!?!?!?!! You have NO IDEA what she has been through these past 9 months while you've been living your perfect little fucking life! FUCK YOU! She nearly DIED giving birth to your child, she's been threatened, she had to fucking LEAVE San Francisco because she was attacked! She's been through absolute HELL since you fucking ripped her heart out, so give her a goddamn fucking BREAK. And for the record, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FUCKING GOT HER PREGNANT WHEN YOU BORDERLINE ASSAULTED HER!!!!!! So don't fucking sit there and pretend like this is all HER FAULT!!!!!!!!!!! Asshole! DO NOT even THINK about contacting her again until you're willing to talk to her like a fucking sensible adult. I REFUSE to let you keep hurting her. You WILL NOT destroy her again."

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[OLI - after reading the message]

She was right. I had been out of line. I shouldn't have yelled at her, especially given what she'd been through but FUCK. I had a fucking kid!? I felt like I was drowning. This was the worst fucking thing that had ever happened to me.

Despite that, I felt so guilty when I replayed what I'd just said to Roses back to myself. I was in shock and yeah, I was so fucking angry that she'd kept this massive news from me and never given me the chance to have a say in any of it, but I shouldn't have reacted that way. Not in front of her at least.

Why the FUCK didn't she tell me though!? And what the fuck did Cassidy mean when she said Roses nearly died? Or that she was attacked? I was completely rattled, but I also felt a deep concern for her. 

I knew Cassidy must have hated me after Mexico, but hearing her say I had 'destroyed' Roses, that I'd 'ripped her heart out'... it hurt. I knew I had, but hearing her say it made it real. Just like Cassidy's comment claiming I had 'borderline assaulted' Roses... that one hit me hard. I felt so much fucking guilt about the last night we were together, and now that it was obvious my actions were the reason we were in this mess it made it so much worse... 

FUCK!

I had an overwhelming desire to ask Roses if she was OK, but Cassidy was right; I needed to calm down and let this all sink in before I contacted her again.

I sat on my bed, trying to wrap my head around the most life-altering news I would ever receive; that I was a Father. I had a Daughter. I felt nauseous and sick and my heart was beating so fast I thought I might have a heart attack. I wanted to tell everyone and no-one at the same time, so I stayed in my room, just sitting on my bed trying to figure out how the fuck this happened. 

My entire world felt like it was upside down, like I was being thrown around in a tumble dryer and I felt so fucking sick. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch the wall. I wanted to close my eyes and make all of it go away.

It took a while, but I eventually calmed down enough that I felt like I could speak to Roses without flying off the handle, so I called her again. I needed answers.

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45 minutes passed before Oli called me again and I welled up when I saw his name on my screen. I didn't want to answer because I couldn't take him yelling at me again. I hated how much he could hurt me. I couldn't ignore him though because he deserved an explanation. "I'm staying right here and the second he raises his fucking voice, I'm hanging up and blocking him." Cassidy stated. I didn't even try to tell her it was fine because it wasn't, so I just nodded. I answered and put Oli on speaker so Cass could hear him and rescue me if he started screaming again.
"Hi." I said cautiously as I answered.
"Roses, I'm really sorry that I yelled at you, I just..." he said, trailing off like he couldn't even finish the sentence.
"It's OK. I understand." I replied. His tone had softened, he seemed to have calmed down. He actually sounded flat and sombre, like someone had just told him awful news.
"It's not fucking OK. You should be more than fucking sorry!" Cassidy growled.
"I... I really am sorry, Roses." he said awkwardly. I guess Cassidy's presence threw him off.

"So, um, are you positive she's mine?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes." I answered. I heard him let out a heavy breath and I knew he wished I'd said no. "You know, I don't expect you to want anything to do with us. I planned on doing this on my own anyway." I said. "I won't ever ask you for anything or tell anyone she's yours. I promise. You can just pretend this never happened." I said, my voice cracking as I tried to give him an easy exit from the situation that I knew he didn't want to be any part of. I hated that I was already crying again. I didn't know why I expected anything different. "No..." he said with a heavy breath. "I'm not the kind of asshole who just wipes his hands of responsibility. Just tell me what you want." he added. What I want? I didn't want anything and I hated that he thought I did, like he thought I was looking for money or something from him. "I don't want anything." I replied. I was actually hurt that he thought I would want anything from him, like he thought I was using him, trying to gain something - trapping him. I thought he knew me better than that. Cassidy was grumbling under her breath, so I guess she was just as put off by his comment.