ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

HEARTACHE

Oli and I headed back to the bungalow to get changed before dinner but as we walked, something seemed off with him... he had seemed a bit quiet all day, but now he seemed... distant. I don't know if he was avoiding me after last night or he was thinking about something, but I felt pretty bad. He hadn't been quiet once since I got there, he almost seemed like he was going into his shell... retracting, kind of like he did when we were talking online over the past few months; when he said he was 'over it' and wanted a break from his life. He just seemed different. I went to the bathroom to freshen up but I wanted to catch the sunset from the balcony, so I hurried myself. It was, after all, the last time I was going to see it, and I guess it was nice that I'd see it with Oli. Just Oli.

The sun was going down as I emerged and Oli was standing on the balcony just watching it so I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his body, resting my cheek against his shoulder blades. I guess it was kind of my way of apologising or letting him know I still liked him incase last night was anything to do with it. He didn't say anything as I just stood there but he put his arms around mine. He was so warm and strong.
"I really don't want to leave this place." I said as I held him.
"I know, I don't want to go tomorrow... it's so relaxing and perfect here, right?" he asked. I didn't care about the resort, I just didn't want to leave him. He was the reason that place was so wonderful to me.
"Do you really have to go back on tour? I mean, do you really want to be a rock star anyway?" I asked playfully. He kind of laughed.
"I don't want, but unfortunately, I have to." he said. "You know, it's funny you ask if I want this life because when I was in Europe I was ready to walk away and leave the band behind." he said as he kept staring straight ahead at the ocean. He wasn't serious. Surely!? "I was completely miserable and I hated my life. I felt like some kind of puppet just doing the same thing over and over and not really having a purpose in life what so ever. I couldn't really see the point in anything. I guess I get those thoughts a lot." he added. I was so surprised by how he was opening up to me.
"I remember you telling me about that..." I said softly, thinking back to the times when I thought he sounded sad, or down. "Do you ever just wonder what the purpose of life is? Like, what is the point of it?" he asked unexpectedly. I really didn't know what to tell him, but I'd wondered before too.
"Of course. I think everyone wonders about that at some point in their life." I replied as I moved my face back so I could talk to him. "I think it's about learning, progressing... about improving and growing. I know for me it's why I want to help the environment... to try and help animals and ecosystems survive in a world that's killing them. I just want to make things better in my own little way." I said. He let out a huge exhale and moved and just looked at me.
"I totally get that but you're amazing. I don't have a purpose like that." he said.
"Sure you do." I said. "Your purpose is to make people happy through music, to give people something to believe in... to create an escape for people. Music changes peoples lives, so your purpose is just to help people – in a creative way." I explained. He just looked at me. "The joy us common folk get when we see a band we love live is enough to make us forget about everything going on in our lives for a couple of hours. Trust me, you help people way more than you know." I said with a smile. Oli suddenly launched at me, wrapping his arms around me tightly and resting his face into my shoulder. He didn't say anything, so I just rubbed my hands over his back. He felt heavy as he rested against me, but I didn't mind standing there and supporting him. I kind of liked the way he trusted me to be a pillar of strength for him in that moment.

--------------------------------------------------------

[OLI]

I don't even know what to say.

I have felt so lost and so miserable the past few months, but being here has been such a breath of fresh air. I haven't thought about anything other than the current moment since I got here. It's like all the bullshit, doubt and negativity just cleared and someone hit a reset button... Like a massive weight lifted off my shoulders.