ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

NEWNESS

I sat there watching as Oli held Ivy, just sitting quietly and looking at her, absorbing her in his arms. It was truly surreal but actually really nice to see him accepting her. I guess I didn't really know if she would ever meet her Dad, but I was glad that she had, even if she wouldn't remember it. I put tissues on the coffee table in front of him then went to the kitchen to give him some space. I didn't want to go too far, but I also didn't want to be right there, inhibiting him from anything he wanted to say or feel. I didn't want to burden his first moments with Ivy and I guess I trusted that he was OK for me to not be right there.

About half an hour passed and while we made small talk about things, we didn't reach any deep topics. I knew at some point I wanted to tell him about everything that happened during my pregnancy, but for now I just wanted him to bond with Ivy. She seemed content in his arms but he still seemed pretty tense, like he was afraid to move or reposition her. I could tell when she started getting antsy that she wanted to be fed. She always got grumpy as it approached feeding time. It was a little early, but as soon as she started getting restless I knew it was time. "Oh no." Oli said looking at me with desperate fear as she started crying, softly at first, then louder. Oli looked at me with panic, silently begging me to take the ticking time bomb from his arms, so I did. I bounced her against me and kissed her face, but she wasn't having it, she was hungry. Before long she was screaming at full volume and Oli was watching on in wide-eyed fear. "She's got a set of lungs on her!" he said in disbelief. I couldn't help but laugh. He wasn't wrong.
"Yeah well... her Father literally fronts a screamo band." I said cheekily without really thinking. Fuck! Why did I sat that!? I didn't want to refer to him as that in front of him, to call him her Dad or Father or something; fearful that it would freak him out. I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. "Sorry." I said awkwardly. I thought he would hate that I made that joke and be so uncomfortable by it, but instead he just grinned; that perfect shy grin of his, today a mix of amusement, fear and maybe even pride? I tried to ignore it, but his smile always made me swoon. I hoped Ivy would inherit that from him. 

I couldn't believe I'd just made such a silly joke, but I was relieved he found it funny. Maybe he was more laid-back about this than I thought he would be, maybe he wasn't as terrified of it as I expected. I breastfed Ivy most of the time, but I had bottles for when we went out or anything, and with Oli there, the bottle seemed much more appropriate.
"Do you want to feed her? I asked as I returned from the kitchen with the tiny, screaming human and her bottle. He looked so scared and uncomfortable, his eyes were screaming that he wasn't ready even though he didn't say anything. I could read him like a book. "It's OK, you can do it next time." I said as I sat down and fed her and he just watched on curiously.

While I was feeding her, he asked me how I felt about a paternity test, and of course I said it was fine. He had every right to want one, though I was sure he could see how much she looked like him to be convinced already. Once Ivy was fed, burped and asleep again, I offered her back to him and he kind of smiled as he took her. For someone who didn't want kids, he sure seemed to enjoy holding her. It was actually adorable. I called the help line from my book once I had my hands free and scheduled a paternity test for the following day. We wouldn't get the results before he had to fly back to Europe, but I could email him a copy or something.

We chatted again, not about anything deep or really particular, but the time passed by quickly. He absolutely freaked out the first time I had to change her nappy and I had to hold back laughter at how mortified he was. I guess I was already used to it, but he was so out of his element just watching. He seemed so intrigued by her though, lost in watching her even though most of the time she just slept in his arms silently without movement. "Sorry, do you want her back?" he asked suddenly after holding her for almost an hour. I just smiled and shook my head. It was nice that he was bonding with her, and I'd had plenty of cuddles in the past two weeks. He brought up the emergency surgery again, so I told him what happened in as much detail as I had - all relayed by Cassidy and nurses. He seemed pretty distressed by what I told him. "You don't have to talk about it, but... Cassidy said you were attacked?" he questioned cautiously after a while. What the hell? How did he know about that? When on earth did Cassidy tell him that... I didn't know they had ever spoken??!??!?! I let out a heavy exhale and I told him everything; about the threats, the restraining order, the health problems from stress, how I was pushed onto the tram tracks and had to escape to my parents' place to hide. Oli just sat there looking completely mortified the entire time. "God, I'm so sorry Willow." he said when I eventually stopped talking. He looked genuinely upset. 

I explained to him again, in more detail, why I didn't expect him to be Ivy's Father, why in fact I honestly didn't think it was even possible. It was all about the conception date and how it didn't work since intercourse had to happen on or after September 28th and the last time we did in Mexico it was the 27th. Oli kind of looked at me with a puzzled expression as I told him. "Isn't California a few hours ahead of Mexico though? Wouldn't that mean that last night we... the last time we were together would have been early on the 28th in San Francisco time?" he said. As soon as he said it, it clicked. Oh my God. I had never even thought about the time difference but he was right - it was late on the 27th in Mexico... which was actually early morning on the 28th in San Francisco. The timing was possible. I felt the blood drain from my body. I felt so stupid that he thought of that so instantly while the time zone factor never once crossed my mind in all of the months I was pregnant. I felt the tears welling in my eyes and I couldn't stop them from spilling. I felt like an idiot and I wondered if I had of been smarter and worked that out for my self if I could have avoided all of the drama with Jayce. God how different things would have been if he were never involved and I knew Oli was the Father. It made me feel numb.

"Hey, please don't cry." he pleaded.
"I feel like an idiot." I replied. I truly did. I couldn't believe I had never, ever thought about time differences. "You're not an idiot, and it doesn't matter now anyway. Honestly, please don't cause yourself more stress." he said. He was right, I was meant to be avoiding stress.

Time passed quietly as I laid on the couch with my eyes shut thinking about how stupid I had been to miss such an obvious answer. I was almost falling asleep but Oli yawned loudly after a while so I sat up and looked over at him, still holding Ivy in the same position as before. "Tired?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I shouldn't complain after hearing Ivy's wrath. You must be exhausted." he replied sympathetically. I laughed a little and the mood felt like it lightened. I guess it was nice to feel a little more comfortable, to joke around with him and get away from the deep topics we'd talked about for the past couple of hours.
"Yeah, it's a lot, I won't lie." I replied. He smiled but he looked tired and I felt sorry for him.
"Did you get much sleep on the plane? You must be jetlagged." I said. 
"Not really..." he replied. He didn't tell me it was because he was freaked out about today, but I could read it on his face.
"Well don't feel obliged to stay, you can head off whenever you want to get some rest." I said. Cassidy would be home in an hour or so anyway.
"It's alright, I'll stay until Cassidy gets back so you're not alone." he said. That was considerate.
"OK well, I'm going to order food for when Cass is home. Do you... want to stay for dinner?" I asked. I don't know why I asked, but I thought it was polite, even though I wasn't sure how Cassidy would feel about having to share the dinner table with him...
"Oh, no, that's OK, but Thanks." he replied. I got the feeling that maybe he actually wanted to say yes but I wasn't going to push.
"Would it be alright if I came over again tomorrow though? Maybe I could come before we go to the testing place and we can go together? Or I can come after?" he asked. I guess it was nice that he wanted to spend more time getting to know Ivy, so of course I said yes.

Cassidy seemed surprised that Oli was still there when she arrived home, but he made a pretty quick exit once she was. Maybe he did notice the angry best friend vibes that met him when he arrived after all. The goodbye felt super awkward, like neither of us knew what we were meant to do, but I guess that was to be expected. I took him down to the street and he thanked me for letting him come over as his taxi arrived. It was kind of weird that he thanked me for letting him meet his Daughter. I headed back up to my apartment feeling relieved that the day had gone as well as it had, that he'd been the way he was. His attitude surprised me actually.

"So... how was he?" Cassidy asked with a bit of bite the second I walked into our apartment. I could understand why she hated him and wanted to rip his head off, I really could, but I didn't want to dwell on the past. He was part of my life, our life now whether I liked it or not. "He was actually really good with her. He cried then didn't want to put her down." I responded as I sat on the edge of the couch.
"And with you?" she asked. I kind of shrugged.
"He was understanding, surprisingly calm actually. He apologised for everything that happened... he seemed genuine." I replied.
"Good." she said simply. 

Our food arrived and we ate together, but as soon as I was done, I went to bed. I was completely exhausted and now that the stress of that initial meeting with Oli was over, I just wanted to relax. It had gone better than I expected if I'm being honest. He seemed interested in knowing Ivy and he was fine toward me, kind even. I didn't hate that he was all I could think about as I laid in bed readying myself for sleep, but I hated that I still felt something for him. I wasn't in love with him like I used to be, but I still cared about him deeply and longed for him. I wished I could turn that feeling off but I guess I'd just have to learn to ignore it.