ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

A BRAND NEW DAY

When I woke up, the heaviness of the night before didn't feel so bad. Sleep had clarified my thoughts and I knew I needed to speak with Oli. I did want to give him a chance and just see where we could go, but he moved way too fast and I needed to tell him that, to explain it to him. I felt bad for just kicking him out the night before, but I had to for my own well-being. I couldn't think clearly last night at all, waiting for the morning was a much better option.

After I finished feeding Ivy, I put her back in her bed and I headed to Oli's room. I knocked gently and he said 'come in', so I did. I think he was surprised to see me, automatically sitting up a little in his bed. I did love him, I really did, and I could see the confusion and sadness on his face as I approached. I didn't say a word as I climbed onto his bed and laid next to him, resting my head on his bare chest. I just wanted to hold him and words didn't feel necessary. He put his arms around me and cuddled me and we laid there silently for maybe ten minutes.

His heart beat fast against my cheek as I laid beside him with my eyes closed. He must have been feeling all sorts of things, just like I was. "I'm sorry about last night, I just needed space and time to gather my thoughts." I said quietly without moving.
"I understand. I'm sorry I overwhelmed you, I shouldn't have said all of that so soon." he replied. It was funny because this was almost exactly what happened when I told him the same thing, he freaked out and pushed away, now I had done the same thing to him.
"I want you to know that it wasn't you, I didn't react that way because of what you said, it was just a lot to process. I'm not running away from you..." I said to try and reassure him.
"I appreciate that, thank you." he replied. 

I hated talking about things, but I knew I had to for him to understand me... to know why I reacted the way I did. I didn't look at him, instead I stayed laying against him so that I wouldn't back out of being completely honest. "Oli, I have some serious scars and PTSD from everything that happened last year. No matter what I do, I don't think they will ever go away. I know how harsh this sounds, but I guess I'll never be the person I was before Mexico City... I will never be able to wear my heart on my sleeve and be so open with my emotions, especially with you, because I'm terrified of being hurt again. I know you've changed, I know you're not the same person as you were back then and I wish I could just delete the bad feelings and memories, but they're part of me and I can't get rid of them. If I'm being completely honest, I think part of me is absolutely terrified of falling in love with you again because what if you change your mind? What if what happened last time happens again? I don't think I would survive that kind of hurt again and I can't ever feel the way I did back then now because Ivy needs me." I said with a shrug.

I finally looked up at Oli and I could see the wet trails where tears had run down his face. I knew he felt bad, and I kind of did too. It was a lot. It did feel good to speak so openly though... I guess I had kept a lot of my thoughts and feelings inside, but if I wasn't open with him, we could never work. I had to communicate, even if it made me feel uncomfortable.
"I swear, Willow. I will never hurt you again. I know it's just words, but I mean it with every fibre in my body. I swear on my life I will never hurt you again." he said.
"I know, Oli, and I'm not saying no to trying again with you, I just need you to take it slow with me. Is that OK?" I asked.
"Of course it is. I'll go as slow as you want. I'll give you as much time and space as you need. I am in no rush, I just want to be with you. I'd wait forever." he replied with a kiss to my head. I was relieved to hear him say that and to know that he meant it. 

"I really do want this, Oli. I really do want to try again with you." I said quietly, breaking the silence after a minute or two. He grinned lightly at me with a look of relief. I don't think I had ever felt so vulnerable as I did at that moment, telling him I wanted to try again after everything I'd been through. "I want to try again too, more than anything, and knowing you want the same thing is all I need from you. I don't care how slow we go, as long as you still want to keep moving forward, I will be next to you the whole way." he said as he kissed my forehead. "Thank you for giving me a second chance. I know I don't deserve it." he said. 
"You do deserve it, Oli. Let's just take it one step at a time." I replied.

I appreciated that he understood me and that he was willing to go slowly. He seemed truly relieved that we'd talked and cleared everything up, and he looked so sweet laying there just looking at me. He looked vulnerable and sad, yet happy at the same time. "Do you want to go down for breakfast? I could make you pancakes." he asked sweetly. He was being a bit cute.
"Actually, could we just stay here and cuddle for a while?" I asked. He smiled at me when I said that. "Of course we can." he replied as he adjusted his arms so he could hold me even tighter. We laid there all cosied up for about half an hour, all the while he stroked my hair, rubbed his fingers lightly on my skin, kissed my forehead and hummed. I wasn't sure what music it was straight away, but I soon realised he was humming 'Follow you', and he smiled at me when I looked up at him. When he realised I knew what he was humming, he started singing it for a few bars, then laughed at himself. "Sorry, got a bit carried away." he said with a big grin. God he was cute sometimes. I leaned in and kissed him, pulled away then did it again repeatedly; warm, sweet little kisses that I eventually moved to his cheek and neck before putting my face in that perfect little spot between his jaw and shoulder.

When Oli's stomach grumbled, I laughed and told him he should go and get some breakfast. He agreed that he would, but that I should stay in bed and he would bring some up for me. That wasn't necessary but he insisted, so I didn't argue. 

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[OLI]

When I arrived at the kitchen, most of the guys were there apart from Lee, though no Brian or Cassidy. I could probably figure out what those two were doing instead of eating breakfast...

"So what happened last night? Did you and Willow make up?" Mat asked with a smirk.
"Yeah, did you finally get reaquainted with your dick?" Jordan asked with a laugh. Ugh. I had always messed around with the guys and we always joked around about stuff, but right now, I wasn't in the mood for it. I didn't want anything to jeopardise things with Willow and I knew she wouldn't feel comfortable at the comment. "Can we cut this stuff for a while? I know we mess about and everything but can you drop it? You can joke about shit with me when we're alone but..." I said without really thinking. The guys just kind of looked at me like they were in shock. I could understand why... I was never this serious. I was just stressed out about upsetting her, about losing her.
"Dude, we're just messing with you..." Jordan replied.
"I know, but you need to stop. I really fucking hurt Willow last year and she's giving me another chance, despite being terrified that I'll hurt her again... she just doesn't need to hear jokes about our relationship or sex or whatever." I explained. "I refuse to lose her or fuck this up, so if you guys want to keep joking around that's fine, but we'll go stay somewhere else." I stated. The guys looked really surprised.
"Oli, dude, we don't want to jeopardise your chances with her. Of course we'll stop if you tell us to." Matt said seriously.
"Sorry, I just... I don't want to ruin things with her." I replied.
"No, it's fine, we get it." Matt said.
"I mean, we'll still tease you, but only about yourself." Jordan added. I kind of laughed.
"Thanks." I replied.

I was relieved that they'd understood, but a bit surprised that I'd just said all of those things without even thinking. I really didn't want anything to make Willow feel pressured or embarrassed or anything though... Honestly, I wanted to just be alone with her without everyone else around, but we were leaving in a couple of days anyway. Our alone time would have to wait.

As I started organising things to make pancakes, I felt like the guys were almost afraid to talk to me. They probably deserved a bit of an explanation to why I'd just freaked out on them the way I had. "I really freaked Willow out last night... I uh, I told her I love her and I guess it was all a bit too much too soon." I admitted, the words leaving my mouth like vomit. "We're good now, but I need to take things slower and not be so full on about everything, you know? I've realised it's not just going to be like Acapulco again straight away." I explained.
"You told her you love her?" Mat asked.
"That's a big move considering you just took her on a first date." Jordan chuckled.
"Yeah, I realise that now..." I replied. "I just got excited..." I added.
"Well, don't worry about us, we won't interfere or do anything to scare her off." Mat said.
"Thanks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make her pancakes." I said with a laugh.
"Oli Sykes cooking breakfast in bed for a girl? Jesus..." Jordan quipped. I just laughed. It definitely wasn't something I did very often, but she was worth it.
"Better call the fire brigade now..." Mat stated.
"Fuck off." I laughed.