ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

POST TRAUMATIC

We sat there quietly with our arms wrapped around one another for what felt like a long time. I was so lost for words at what Oli had just said to me. It was what I'd always wanted, but in a way, it scared me now. I wasn't sure why, I guess maybe because it wasn't just the two of us that were involved in our feelings anymore; Ivy would always be stuck in the middle if it didn't work out.

"I don't want you to feel pressured to say it back and I don't want to rush or put labels on us or anything, I just hope you can give me a chance to show you that I meant what I said." he said. "I just want a chance to treat you how I should have treated you from day one, to show you how much I fucking adore you, how much I care for you... I can go as slow as you need, I just want you to see that I don't want anyone else, I don't even see anyone else... you're everything, you're the only person I need." he added.

He was pouring out his heart and it was beautiful, but he was rambling, so I kissed him again to make him stop. He didn't need to try and convince me or talk me into giving him another chance, I just wanted to sit quietly for a moment. When I pulled away, I turned into him, put my legs over his and pressed my face into his neck. I felt so wonderful, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that was freaking out. I felt like we'd gone from zero to a hundred so quickly, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to go so fast. I did love him, but I didn't feel like I could say it straight away, like maybe there was still a part of me that was scared to ever say that word to him again. I couldn't ever forget what had happened the first time I dropped the 'L' word on him. He started talking yet again and while everything he said was sweet, it was a little overwhelming. "Oli, can you please stop talking?" I requested.
"I'm sorry. I talk too much." he chuckled. I knew I needed to be honest with him about how I was feeling, how it all felt really fast and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but for now I just wanted the calm stillness and the silence of the night broken only by the sound of crashing waves.

We sat there quietly and I just watched the waves come up the sand and then retreat again. I was happy but overwhelmed because everything had happened so quickly. I just needed time to process. We probably sat there on the sand for half an hour, not even saying much, but my mind was racing with so many thoughts about what Oli had said. He told me he loved me. This was the same man who literally wished the world would swallow him when I'd told him the same thing just a year ago... the same man who shut me out and punished me for falling in love by deliberately hurting me. I didn't hold it against him anymore, I truly didn't, but it confused me and it felt very fast, too fast... I'd only just started opening up to him romantically again 24 hours ago and he was already declaring love? It was a lot. 

When we eventually decided to head back to the house, the thoughts were consuming and the closer we got to home, the more my anxiety rose. I was having a hard time with how fast everything had moved after our date and knowing he was going to go back and tell everyone he'd said the 'L' word, potentially tell them that we were back together... it was creating this uncomfortable, overwhelming feeling in my chest.

When we arrived at the house, Oli was holding my hand and let out a happy 'Hey' to everyone as they sat around on the deck. "The lovebirds are back!" someone said.
"Are you together yet?" someone else questioned. I was afraid of this, I was afraid of the pressure I'd feel from everyone. I could feel my heart racing and I couldn't even focus on anything because I felt so uncomfortable. It wasn't because of Oli, I was just feeling very overwhelmed. "How was your walk?" someone else asked. It was like all of them knew what Oli was going to say to me, like they assumed I'd be ecstatic and jump straight back into a relationship with him again... like we'd come back and be together like nothing bad had ever happened between us... It made me uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable. "It was absolutely amazing." Oli replied. He sounded so happy but I needed to get away before I had a full blown panic attack. I let go of Oli's hand and said I was going up to the bathroom and practically ran away from the group.