ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

SPEAK YOUR TRUTH

Three days after I arrived home from Mexico, I finally opened up to Cassidy. It was Wednesday afternoon; the third day of keeping everything bottled up inside myself, the third day of having hurt eat away at me. 

Cassidy came into my room with some food like she always did and tried to talk me into going to a house party with her on Friday night. 

"Wills, come out with me on Friday night. One of my uni friends is having a party. It would do you good to get out of the house." she said as she placed a bowl of fruit on my bedside table.
"I don't want to go out." I replied from under my blanket. There was no chance in hell that I was going to a party. I couldn't think of anything worse.
"But you love parties! And you can't lay here forever... all of our friends will be there so it's not like you won't know anyone. We can drink and meet new people." she said, trying to talk me into it. I didn't want to meet new people, or see old friends for that matter.
"Everyone will ask me about Mexico." I replied.
"So?! You can talk about the fun stuff, or just tell them you had fun then change the subject. You don't have to talk about Oli." she said with an eye roll. She didn't understand... just hearing her say his name caused me feel something uncomfortable deep within my chest. I didn't want to talk about Mexico, I didn't want to so much as think about it and I definitely didn't want people asking me about it. It was way too raw. 

As Cassidy kept trying to convince me to go, I realised that she would never understand how traumatised I was because she didn't know what had happened. She didn't know what Oli had said to me and how insignificant he'd made me feel. I hadn't told her... I hadn't told her what went down in Mexico City and how hurtful it all was. "Well, just think about it. I really hate seeing you like this, especially because of some asshole guy." she said as she stood up to leave. "I mean, he's not even that famous!" she laughed as if that was supposed to make me feel better. I loved her, but her comment frustrated me, and in that moment, I decided to tell her everything. Start to finish. All of it. I couldn't expect her to understand why I was so miserable and why I couldn't face anyone when she didn't know what happened. It was about time she understood why I was so emotionally ruined.

"I told him that I loved him." I blurted out sadly as she stepped toward my door. It was out of nowhere and she turned and looked at me with surprise. I didn't know if it was because I was finally opening up to her about what happened, or if it was hearing what I said. She just looked at me with a soft but concerned expression after a moment. "I didn't expect to hear it back, but I honestly thought he felt something. I wanted him to know that I was serious about him... but he went from acting like my boyfriend to hating me instantly." I added. She looked at me with sadness as she came and sat back down on the side of my bed and I felt that horrible, tight feeling in my chest. "He ran away, started avoiding me and ignoring me... He was going to leave without even saying goodbye on Sunday morning, but I made him talk to me." I explained. Cassidy just sat there rubbing my arm, not interrupting me, only listening as I kept talking. "He told me I meant nothing to him... that he thought I knew I was only ever sex to him. He said he would never love me and that he would never feel anything for me." I said. I felt so empty. It was like the words had been played over in my head so many times that they didn't even carry any meaning anymore. I saw the shock and sadness in Cassidy's eyes as the truth came out. "Then he got on his tour bus and left. Just like that. Like I was absolutely nothing." I said, emotion rising and preparing to spill. "I was alone, crying in the hotel lobby and he just left me." I whimpered as tears ran down my face as I blinked. Cass frowned as she he leaned in to hug me tightly. "Oh Wills, I had no idea. I'm so sorry." she said as she shook her head.

All of the memories of that last morning with Oli came flooding back; that moment where he  walked away and I felt so worthless... it still hurt as much as it did then.