ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

LITTLE SYKO

The following morning, I waited impatiently for Oli to post his photo of Ivy. I checked instagram constantly, and just after 10am, as promised, he did it. I felt like my heart was in my throat when I saw it. There it was, the photo of Ivy in her Drop Dead outfit that he'd made for her, with the most heartfelt message about being proud to be her dad. 

His words were beautiful, and unlike him - usually he just wrote a couple of words, or some smart play on words, but this one was thought out and beautiful. The love he felt for her was so obvious. The fact that he'd called her the love of his life, the best thing that had ever happened to him... it made my heart feel so full.

I knew I shouldn't, but I expanded the comments - that were increasing at a crazy rate with every passing second, to see what people were saying. Mostly it was either OMG's or shocked-face emojis, but I did see one that was nasty, so I stopped reading them. I didn't need the negativity.

I knew he wouldn't see my message since he was going to post the photo right before his plane took off, but I still replied via DM; just a bunch of hearts and happy faces since I was a little lost for words.

- - - - -

The days passed and I was getting more and more excited for our trip to LA and Malibu. I was working out more and doing this daily crunch challenge to make sure I would be as in shape as possible for a week by the beach... Cass was doing it with me for moral support, though she already looked amazing and really didn't need to. We went out shopping a few times to get new outfits and Ivy's first swimsuit... I can't even put into words how adorable teeny tiny bikinis were, but we got her two - as well as the cutest little sun hat.

Oli messaged me every single day, calling me when he got back to his hotel after a show every other night... It was nice to hear from him that much, that he made the time for this life he now had in San Francisco. 

About a week after Oli had left I was sitting alone on the couch when my phone rang. I was really surprised to see Oli's name, actually calling my phone from his phone rather than through instagram or whatsapp... that had never happened before, so of course I answered with a little bit of hesitation.

"Oli?" I said, answering the phone.
"Willow..." he said quietly. I could tell the second I heard his voice that he was crying. Oh my god. "I need you." he said desperately. What on earth?!
"What? What's wrong?" I asked. My mind was already racing, thinking of the worst things I could possibly think of... was he hurt? Was he in trouble? Had something happened to one of the guys? His family? He was crying so much and my heart was hurting as his fast breaths came down the phone. "Oli, are you OK?" I asked. "I'm here." I said to try and re-assure him.
"I saw someone fucking die." he muttered. Oh my God. My brain went straight to Mat, Jordan, Lee, Matt... "I couldn't do anything." he sobbed.
"I'm here, it's OK... take some deep breaths." I said, trying to get him to calm down. My entire body was numb, but I felt so sorry for him because he sounded so upset. "What happened?" I asked. He sniffled and took breaths as I told him to, then let out the heaviest breath. "We were playing Antivist and I was riling up the crowd..." he said. "They were surging and this guy on the barrier was getting crushed... I stopped everything and told everyone to move back but they wouldn't listen..." Oli said with desperation in his voice. "When they finally got the crowd under control they pulled him over the barrier, but he... he..." he stuttered.
"Oli... I'm so sorry." I said.
"Willow... do you know what I fucking thought when this was happening?" he asked.
"What?" I questioned.
"That time in fucking, wherever it was, after Vegas, that you were getting crushed on the barrier and they dragged you over it limp and lifeless..." he stated. Oh. That wasn't what I was expecting, honestly I was surprised he even remembered that night since it was so long ago and so soon after we met. "It could have happened to you..." he said. My mind started wandering, wondering why that was what he was focusing on, but I had to ignore the thoughts and focus on calming Oli down. He'd told me several times that I always had a way of making him feel calm and better, so this was the time to prove it. He sounded like he was spiralling.
"I understand, but that was a long time ago and I'm fine, Oli." I said. 
"I shouldn't be provoking the crowd like that. I shouldn't be singing music that makes people want to be so fucking reckless." he said desperately. At that point I knew he was definitely spiralling.
"Oli. You don't make people reckless, they react however they are going to react... You did nothing wrong, in fact, from what you're telling me, you did everything you could to help this person." I said, trying to calm him down. "Where are you?" I asked.
"Backstage." he answered through his tears.
"I'm going to video call you, OK?" I stated.
"No, Willow. I'm... I'm a mess." he muttered.
"I don't care what you look like, you've seen me looking like total shit. Besides, I've seen you cry before, you don't need to worry about that with me." I said gently. I hit the video icon on my screen and waited for him to connect.

As soon as he appeared, he really did look as bad as he said he did; he was pale, his eyes were puffy and red, his hair sweaty and going in every direction like he'd been pushing it off his forehead in worry... and as soon as he saw me he started crying, like really ugly crying, not that I'd ever judge him for it. "Oh Oli..." I said.
"Fuck I wish you were here." he said as he wiped his eyes.
"I'm here with you now..." I said. Oli was clearly devastated. He continued to tell me about the night and how he felt guilty and awful, and I kept re-assuring him that it wasn't his fault, that nobody could have ever predicted this would happen. He eventually calmed a little, but he was still really rattled.
"How are the others doing? Are they OK?" I asked.
"They're alright. They didn't actually see it happen so..." he replied. "Willow, I... I have to go. Our manager wants to have a band meeting and I have to give a statement to the police." he said.
"OK... I understand. Please listen to me when I say it's OK to be upset, and that this was not your fault, OK?" I said. He looked at me with his big sad eyes and nodded. I wished I could just wrap my arms around him... "I wish I could hug you for real, but just close your eyes and imagine OK? I hate that I can't do more to make you feel better." I said sadly.
"No, you made me feel better already." he said with a sniffle.
"Ok, well keep me updated and check in with me again, yeah? I'm here if you want to talk and video call again, whenever you need." I said gently. He just silently nodded, yet again.
"Thank you." he said. I smiled at him and nodded.
"Any time." I said.

Once Oli had hung up, I let out the heaviest breath. I could only imagine how awful he felt, knowing that he was provoking the crowd then having that happen, but it really wasn't his fault. He'd done the same thing hundreds of times and this hadn't happened... I hated that he blamed himself.

I was so surprised that when all of this happened, Oli remembered the time I was dragged over the barrier unconscious in Salt Lake City. It was so long ago, only a few days after I actually met him... I was surprised he even remembered it, but more surprised that he worried about it a year later. I was also surprised that Oli had called me and literally said 'I need you'. He never came across as someone who liked asking for help, and I wouldn't have thought that he would turn to me for support or comfort in a time like that... I would have thought he'd call his parents or his brother. To be honest, I actually felt humbled that he wanted to talk to me. I liked that he obviously trusted me and thought I could make him feel better.

Oli messaged me half an hour later saying they were cancelling the next night's show out of respect since it was in the same city and the same venue. I completely understood, and I don't think Oli would have been capable of playing there again, or even getting back on stage so quickly. He said they were taking 'Antivist' out of the setlist and would replace it with something else, that Oli didn't want to play it again. He also let me know that they were going to visit the victim's family to offer their condolences. I loved that compassionate side of him, the one that wanted to try to do the right thing, even if it was really difficult. Poor Oli. I gave him my support, of course, and later that night, he messaged me with something that really touched my heart.

"Thank you for being there for me today Willow... I feel like you're the only person who can calm me and comfort me sometimes. I'm really glad I have you in my life 🧡"

Honestly, I was glad he felt that he could rely on me, and I was glad I had him in my life too. Things hadn't always been sunshine and rainbows, in fact, I went through the hardest time of my life because of him, but we'd come out the other side and I was very fond of the person he'd become. He meant a lot to me, he always did.

I checked in with Oli more than usual in the days after his ordeal, and even though he sounded different, he told me that he was doing OK. When Oli had met the victim's parents, they were lovely and had told him the same thing I had; to not beat himself up over it, that their son died doing something he loved. It also turned out that the victim was under the influence of drugs at the concert and it contributed to what happened in a major way - not that it was really any consolation, I guess at least it made Oli feel a little less responsible.

Over the days, Oli found peace and got back on stage, though he had clearly been anxious about stepping back out there a few days after the incident, he was really open with me about it and I kind of felt like his own personal psychologist, but I didn't mind at all. I was happy that he could confide in me and trust me enough to be so truthful with his feelings.

The weeks passed, Oli left all of the trauma of what had happened behind and as the LA/Malibu trip got ever closer, everyone got more excited; it was going to be a well-deserved break for the band, a real chance to decompress, and for me and Cass, a long overdue adventure together.