ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

[OLI]

She's still as beautiful as I remember... She looks so scared and upset though... and pale.

God, I've been so horrible to her.

--------------------------------------------------------

"You don't look terrible at all." he said as he looked away to break our eye contact. I knew he was lying, but I thanked him anyway. We had that same silence as before, but now that I could see him it felt so much more awkward. "So, um... how old is she exactly?" he asked hesitantly, like he just wanted to break the awkward silence. I actually felt sorry for him... he looked so confused and upset and his eyes looked fearful, yet he was trying to make conversation with me.
"She's a week old today." I answered. Oli kind of bit his bottom lip like he was nervous and nodded. I appreciated that he was at least trying but I hated the silence and awkwardness. I needed to keep things moving so it could be over. "She's sleeping, but... I'll take you to see her if you want." I said to break the silence that had fallen on us again. He just nodded and said OK. 

I felt sick as I left the couch and headed to my bedroom with the phone... I didn't know how he was going to react, I just hoped he wouldn't completely freak out, get mad at me and wake her. I turned on the main light and stood above Ivy sleeping peacefully in her little bed. She looked so innocent and oblivious to everything that was going on. I just hoped he wouldn't totally lose it.
"Hang on..." I said as I switched the camera so he could see her. The lighting adjusted and I watched as Oli just stared at his screen as Ivy appeared. He looked emotionless, maybe shocked... it was like he was just frozen in a state of disbelief. He just stared without blinking, like he was a static picture rather than a live video... I guess he was in shock. 

I didn't say anything as I stood there holding the phone above Ivy and neither did he, he was just silent. I could only imagine what he was thinking... how he was feeling... I remembered how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. I imagined he would be feeling the same kind of fear and dread, but complete shock as well seeing as he had a living, breathing human to actually see. He was still just staring at Ivy sleeping in complete silence, but it was only a moment later that his face started twitching and out of nowhere, he completely broke down; bursting into sudden and heavy tears. He put his hand up to cover his mouth in disbelief and audibly sobbed, and I immediately started crying. I wasn't prepared for him to react like that, and seeing him cry made me so emotional. I'd never seen a man cry the way Oli was crying... I don't know if he was upset, scared, overwhelmed or all three but he was really crying. He wiped his eyes and shook his head as he stared at his screen, but he kept putting his hand over his mouth like he couldn't believe his eyes. I completely understood the reaction though; an hour ago his life was totally normal, now he had a Daughter; a Daughter he didn't know about, who lived on the other side of the world with a Mother he felt nothing for. His life was turned completely upside down. 

I didn't say anything as Oli just stared as I held my phone above Ivy; still wiping his eyes and looking dismayed. I didn't have a clue what to say to him and I was crying too much to speak anyway. "She's so small." he whimpered, suddenly crying again. I couldn't respond, I was so affected by seeing him get that emotional and I was also trying not to make too much noise. I didn't want him to see me cry, and I also didn't want to wake Ivy. She shifted and yawned and Oli covered his mouth with his hand yet again. "Oh my God." he said like he didn't even believe she was real until she moved. She shifted again and I was sure she was about to wake so I exited the room quickly, praying she would stay sleeping. 

Oli was still crying, his eyes red and puffy as he wiped them and sniffled repeatedly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." I cried as I left the bedroom ready to tell him the entire story.
"Don't worry... at least I know now." he replied as he wiped his eyes for the hundredth time. I was so relieved that he wasn't angry anymore, or at least that he wasn't showing it.
"Can I... um, can I come and see her?" he asked. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. Was he serious? I was overwhelmed seeing him on a screen, let alone seeing him in real life, but I had to remember that this wasn't about me, it was about Ivy. He wasn't coming to see me.
"San Francisco?" I asked as I turned the phone camera back to myself.
"Yeah. I'll... I'll fly over as soon as I can." he said as he held his head in his hand out of stress. I used to always be so excited to see Oli, but this time it was different and part of me was scared. Terrified even. "OK." I replied. I wasn't sure what to feel, but it's not like I would try and keep him from his Daughter if he actually wanted to meet her. 

I could hear Ivy in the other room making frustrated noises which meant she was going to start crying, so I told Oli I needed to go. He asked when he could come to visit, so I replied 'any time', and he said he'd book a flight for as soon as possible. Ivy started crying as predicted and I guess Oli heard her because I saw the emotion on his face as he heard her screaming. "I really had better go. I guess I'll speak to you soon." I said.
"Send me that photo?" he asked with a sniffle, clearly trying to hold back his tears again. I just nodded. We said goodbye and I went to Ivy who was crying like crazy.

I scooped Ivy up in my arms and held her against me protectively, knowing that the hardest thing I was potentially ever going to have to do was done. It was a relief, despite the awkwardness. "What's wrong baby girl?" I asked her as I rocked her to try and get her back to sleep. It was like she knew what was going on, like she knew what had just happened. Cassidy came into my room and looked at me cradling Ivy in my arms as she started to calm down. I knew Cassidy heard the entire conversation, it was impossible not to since I had him on speaker.
"When's he coming?" she asked.
"Soon I guess." I replied with a shrug. I looked at Ivy, now falling back to sleep again and I felt tears in my eyes. I honestly felt so much love for her. "Cass, what if he falls in love with her and wants to take her away from me?" I asked as a tear rolled down my cheek.
"He won't do that. With his lifestyle, how even could he?" she said as she kissed Ivy's cheek then rested her head on my shoulder as a sign of support. I guess she was right, but the thought of losing Ivy made me feel sick. 

I sat in the rocking chair my friends bought me as a baby shower gift and I found my favourite photo of Ivy as she slept peacefully. I hesitated for a moment, then hit send; delivering Oli the first photo he would ever have of his Daughter.