ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

HEARTFELT APOLOGY

I heard my name and opened my eyes and Oli was standing in front of me in my room. "Oh God, I fell asleep didn't I?" I asked. I was just so tired, but I had to get up and take Ivy with me into Cassidy's room so he could have my bed. "Sorry, what time is it?" I asked as I sat back up. "I was just going to move Ivy's stuff to Cass' room and I must have dozed off... I'm so sorry, I'm so embarrassed." I said shyly. How embarrassing. Oli just stood there looking at me as I picked up Ivy's clothes beside me.
"Willow, can I... can I hug you?" he asked gently. What? I just looked at him in confusion. I didn't know why he was asking to hug me... I also didn't know if it was a good idea. I was scared. I knew how much I used to love being in his arms... what if being there again made all of my feelings come back? I didn't want to get attached to him again when he never saw me in a romantic way. He had a girlfriend anyway... I refused to be a home-wrecker or jeopardise that for him. "I uh, I don't know..." I said lingering; my words full of doubt.
"Please." he asked. He looked so sad for some reason, vulnerable, like he needed me to say yes... I didn't really know how to say no.
"OK." I said.

He automatically sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me tightly, pulling me close to him; my face fitting into the spot it always did when we used to be together. He was so warm and as much as I didn't want to admit it, being close with him felt as wonderful as it did all that time ago. I was so comfortable as I melted in his arms... his scent was the same as I remembered, the soft fleece of his hoodie caressed my face... I felt so secure and I could feel my emotion bubbling under the surface as I remembered the last time he held me like that.

The way he held me wasn't a hug or a cuddle, it was an embrace and he was the only person who could make me feel so warm inside from having their arms around me. He was the only person who ever made me feel the way he did.

He made me feel so content and happy, but the way he was comforting me stirred my emotions. I felt the tears in my eyes as he squeezed me tightly and rested his hands flat against my back; holding me against him so protectively. For the first time in so many months, I actually felt completely safe and I couldn't stop my tears coming to the surface. I tried to conceal my emotion so he wouldn't know I was crying, but when I sniffled, I knew he was aware that I was. "I'm so sorry, Willow." he suddenly said softly, his voice cracking with emotion. His apology hit me like a tonne of bricks. It overwhelmed me and I cried hard; my warm tears spilling over my eyelids and into his hoodie as I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you." he said sadly as he rested his head onto mine. I could feel Oli's heart pounding and his breathing told me that he was struggling to hold himself together. I felt so much, but it was at that moment I realised I didn't know if I'd actually forgiven him. I wanted to, but I was scared to, like if I forgave him it was just opening myself up to more hurt, more heartbreak, more feelings that I didn't want to feel. He hurt me so badly, he did things to me that weren't OK, but the heartbreak from what he said to me the last time we were together nearly killed me. 

"You really hurt me." I said quietly, but truthfully... for the first time, I actually found my voice and told him how I felt. I'd never been able to say anything in the past, but this time it just came out. I felt his tears in my hair and for a moment I felt bad, but I'd cried so many for him, maybe he deserved to feel guilty. "I know. I'm so sorry that I hurt you so badly." he said quietly. He couldn't speak without his voice cracking, and his tear-filled words made me even more emotional as I cried into his shoulder. Where did this all come from? Why was he suddenly so upset and apologetic? I never thought he'd give me such a heart-felt apology, but I knew he meant it. I knew he genuinely felt bad about what happened. He wouldn't be so emotional if he didn't. 

He didn't let go of me, he didn't loosen his arms around me for a single second as I cried into his shoulder, but my exhaustion got the best of me yet again, and I eventually fell asleep against him, crying in his arms.