ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

THE PARTY

As soon as we arrived at the party, I groaned to myself. Why did I agree to come? There were so many people... too many people and I wasn't exactly looking forward to having to act happy and make conversation... I could talk about the scholarship or my new look at least. Cassidy grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the car as it stopped, through the gate and up the stairs, toward the music, laughter and sound of way too many people all talking at the same time. It was an onslaught to my ears, a sensory overload since I'd become used to the silence of my bedroom. Oh lord, please help me. "Right, first things first - alcohol." Cassidy said immediately. I couldn't decide if I wanted to drink myself stupid or if I'd rather stay sober, but I needed something to get me through the night, so I took a vodka to start me off. We found our friends and they were all happy and bubbly - and shocked by my new dark look, though they all said they liked it. I forced a smile and said I just wanted a change, but to be honest, I didn't want to be the centre of attention at all. I hoped they'd slip into conversation about holidays or Uni or something so I could just slip into the background and stand there in peace. "Oh my God, so tell us all about Mexico! I can't believe you were there with Oli Sykes! Cass said he paid to fly you down there!?!?!?!!?" one of the girls squealed. Fuck my life. I knew I shouldn't have come. I saw Cassidy shoot our friend a wide-eyed look as if she was telling her to shut up, but it was too late. She'd already said his name and our friends were already looking at me, waiting for my reply.
"Uh yeah, it was good." I said as politely as I could as I skulled my entire drink so I'd have an excuse to leave. "I'm going to get another drink." I said, waving my empty cup in the air and excusing myself. Hopefully in my absence, Cassidy would tell them not to ask me about it again, that or they'd take the strong hint that I didn't want to talk about it. This is exactly why I didn't want to come. I just felt angry and frustrated. Coming to this party was a mistake.

I wandered around for a while to waste time, necked a drink, then got another drink before returning to my friend group, who I'm glad to say, were talking about Uni. I stood there mindlessly, looking around at other people as I zoned out for close to an hour. I don't know if I said a single word, but being around happy people, laughter, and even worse - couples, was making me miserable. Seeing people kissing and being touchy with each other just made me envious and empty and I couldn't help but think about the times that was me with Oli; unable to keep our hands off each other. It was impossible not to think about the time I'd spent with him. It made me feel so deflated and maybe a little angry too. I don't know why I went out to a party when I knew I wasn't ready to face the world. "So Cassidy said you made the finals for the Richard Branson scholarship?!" one of our friends asked, dragging me out of my comfortable numbness.
"Yeah. I probably won't get it though." I said. My friends started complimenting me and lavishing me with support and praise, but I didn't feel like I deserved any of it. I didn't want their kindness, I just wished they'd ignore me. My mind was so far removed from that conversation... I couldn't deal with the attention, the noise, the people. I needed a break from everyone and everything, so I told the group that I was going for some fresh air and I walked out the back.

I'd always been social and outgoing, but not anymore. I was usually the life of the party, but I felt like every inch of life had been sucked out of me. I'd always been positive and happy, but I couldn't even pretend to be that at this party. I didn't even feel like I fit into my friend group anymore... I felt out of place. 

I found a quiet spot downstairs beside the house so I sipped my drink in silence, but I was soon interrupted by a couple making out; so engrossed in each other that they practically knocked into me. "Watch it!" I snapped as I moved away and they kept sucking each other's faces off. For fucks sakes! It was like no matter where I went, I couldn't get away from people. Lovers and couples in particular... it was starting to really piss me off. I groaned to myself as I went around the front of the house and walked out to the street. It was cold and dark, and eerily quiet apart from the distant thump from the music playing inside but I felt better there. Removed. Alone. I leaned against a fence, finally having found somewhere to be by myself and I let out a heavy breath. I felt like I just hated everyone, like this darker look that I'd transformed into physically was also pulling a darker side of my personality to the surface too. I'd been upset over Oli for nearly a week but suddenly I only felt angry about it. He was such a fucking asshole for everything he did to me. He made me believe we were something... he didn't have to react so immaturely at what I said, he shouldn't have fucked me on that last night if he had no feelings for me, he certainly shouldn't have borderline assaulted me. "Fuck you and everyone else." I said out loud, releasing some of my anger. I didn't want to smile and pretend to be fine anymore, I just wanted to let all of my buried feelings out.