ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

CAN WE TALK?

After 3 days recovering in hospital, I was back at home with Ivy. A normal day for me now didn't involve going to Uni and yoga, going out clubbing or planning adventures with Cassidy, it involved nursing Ivy so she'd stay asleep, feeding her every 3 or so hours and taking naps whenever possible if I wasn't in too much pain from my emergency, post-delivery surgery. The pain was getting easier to deal with as the days went by, but it was still at the level of a bad period cramp. At least I was becoming more understanding of Ivy and enjoying being a Mum.

I still couldn't believe that the tiny human in my arms was mine, that I had created her inside me and brought a life into the world, and I couldn't believe that she was already a week old. It felt like only yesterday that I was sitting in the same spot on the couch, using my enormous belly as a holder for the packet of oreos I had cravings for, lol. 

I ignored what I knew about her Father... I didn't want to admit that she was Oli's, even though I knew it without a doubt. Deep down I was glad that she was his and not Jayce's, but I was given strict orders from the Doctor to rest and limit stress as much as possible, so I decided not to tell him. Not yet anyway. I would try to contact him and tell him at some point because he obviously had a right to know, but I needed to wait until I had recovered properly. I couldn't be putting my health and life at risk when Ivy relied me. It was confusing and scary, but I tried not to think about it and just focus on getting better and loving my baby girl.

Ivy and I had a rough road getting to where we were, and I knew with this new revelation with Oli that there were going to be a lot of twists and turns to come, but we'd gotten there together and I loved her so much. I regretted every moment during my pregnancy when I didn't want her, or I'd thought about not having her, in fact, it made me feel sick to know that I had even considered that now. She was perfect and I loved her more than I knew I could ever love anything in the entire world. Everything I went through was worth it now. Cassidy loved Ivy almost as much as me and she was such a massive help to me as we learnt together how to care for our tiny new housemate.

It was Friday afternoon and I was laying on the couch ready to nap while Ivy slept when my phone buzzed against the couch cushion. It was an instagram notification which was strange because I never really got those now that I was using my new account with a grand total of 20 or so followers. I was barely even went on there and I hadn't posted anything in weeks - I didn't really have time to! "Is that your Mum again?" Cassidy yelled from her room with a laugh. It probably was. My parents had driven down from Redmond the day after Ivy was born, after Cassidy had informed them of my near-death experience. I was still in the hospital and while they were obviously happy to see that I was OK, I think they were more excited to meet their Granddaughter. They only stayed for a couple of days because they couldn't leave the farm for long, but they waited until I was settled in at home before heading back. We still weren't super close, but they completely adored Ivy, so Cassidy setup an instagram account for them and now they were always pestering me for photos and updates, lol. It was becoming almost a daily occurrence but it was pretty sweet that they loved her that much. 

I was smiling when I opened my messages, but it wasn't my Mum - it was just a message request. "Ugh, it's not even my Mum, it's just spam." I yelled out to Cass as I clicked into it. I expected to see some crap about buying followers or something about collaborating, but as I saw the name and message in my inbox, I felt my entire body flood with numbness and a bolt of fear rush into my chest. It was Oli.

I dropped my phone in fear and shock and just sat there as I started hyperventilating. Cassidy must have heard my phone hit the floor because she arrived in her doorway and looked at me with a frown before running over. "Wills?! Are you OK?!?!" she asked desperately. I just stared forward. I couldn't say anything, I could barely even breathe. "Wills!" she said with concern as she squatted in front of me. "What happened?" she asked as she rubbed my knees and I just kept hyperventilating. "Wills, I need you to take some deep breaths for me, just like we practiced, OK?" she said, trying to calm me down. I closed my eyes and tried to breath normally, while she picked up my phone to look at it. "Oh fuck." she said, her eyes now as wide as mine as she saw who had messaged me.

"It's OK, Wills. Everything will be fine." she said as she kept encouraging me to breathe. I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack... This was the exact opposite of what my Doctor told me to do! "How does he know it's me? What do I do?" I asked once I could finally speak. She looked at me with a confused kind of sad face, and shrugged. How did he find me? Did he know about Ivy? Did he know she was his? There was no way he could know, was there? I didn't post anything about her. He couldn't even know that I'd had her yet, so he couldn't do the math. "I'll just ignore him, or pretend I'm someone else." I said in a frantic attempt to avoid him. Cassidy just looked at me, her eyes telling me what I already knew - that they were awful ideas. "Wills, maybe this is the universe telling you to tell him. Opening the door for you." she said gently, still rubbing my knees. I felt the tears build in my eyes at the thought of it. I didn't want to tell him, I was terrified to. How the fuck was I going to tell this person who hated me, who didn't want kids, who had the perfect life and was happy in a relationship that he was a Father?

After 10 minutes of panic, fear, denial, tears and contemplation, Cassidy had helped me gather the courage to speak to him. I never knew how I was going to get in contact with him to tell him about Ivy... I mean, he probably blocked me after Mexico, and even if he didn't, he wouldn't see a message from me amongst the thousands he gets from fans. He probably wouldn't read it even if he did see it, so I needed the line of communication with him. I wasn't going to tell him he was Ivy's Father because that was way too much for me to handle straight away, but I had to reply to him. I wondered what he wanted, but I guess it was obvious since he'd probably seen the photo of my pregnant body... I still couldn't work out how the hell he knew it was me though! My hands were shaking and my heart was racing as I opened the chat and started typing. Cassidy sat beside me but didn't look at our conversation, she just sat next to me for moral support so I wasn't alone.

"Hi." I replied nervously.

"Is that you, Roses?" he asked almost immediately.

I felt sick about admitting who I was because I knew he would have seen my photos... he would know that I was pregnant. I just had to stay calm and in control.

"Yeah. Hi." I replied. God speaking to him felt so horrible and awkward. I hadn't spoken or typed a single word to him since Mexico, we hadn't had any type of exchange in 9 months... no likes or comments or messages, we just acted like the other person didn't even exist. I didn't even know how to talk with him anymore. Was I angry? Happy? Sad?

"Can we talk?" he asked. I felt dread in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to say no, but I couldn't.

"OK." I replied.

As I sat there waiting for another message, Oli's profile photo popped up on my screen and I started hyperventilating. He was calling me. What the hell?!?! I thought we were just going to text! I wasn't prepared mentally or emotionally to actually speak to him or hear his voice... I didn't want to answer it. "Cassidy, what do I do?!" I squealed loudly as my phone vibrated in my hand, completely ignorant of the fact I had a newborn sleeping in the same room. Cassidy looked startled, Ivy was stirring and I was completely freaking out. "It's up to you, Willow." she said. Time was going in slow motion as my phone rang in my hand. I wanted to throw it across the room so it smashed and I wouldn't have to face Oli, but avoiding him would only make me look guilty and the longer I tried to ignore him, the longer I'd be working myself into an anxiety-ridden mess, so in a moment of bravery, I answered his call.