ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

DREAM DAY

I was awake at 5am with Ivy because her body clock didn't care about time zones, but I crawled back into bed after feeding her and managed another hour before Oli woke me up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." he said. It was 6:30, so I would have been up in half an hour anyway. He stroked my hair and smiled at me as I laid there waking up. "Are you excited to go and explore today?" he asked. No matter how asleep I felt, thinking about seeing Venice made me wide awake. I nodded at him with the biggest smile. "I know you said you wanted to come here when you were pregnant, but is there a reason you love it so much?" he asked me curiously. I had sort of told Oli about why I had wanted to go to Venice before... but never in too much detail. I guess it wasn't something I really wanted to think about anymore.... the fact that I was going to give Ivy up for adoption and then run away to Venice, pretty much to escape my life wasn't exactly a nice memory. I wanted to tell him everything though, I wanted to open up about things that hurt me or scared me or just weren't easy to talk about. It would only make our connection stronger and help him to understand me more. "Honestly, there was a time when I genuinely was decided on giving Ivy up for adoption. I think I already told you that..." I said. He nodded. "Well, I had to pause Uni for a year, so after she was born, I still would have had 6 months before going back. She would have been with her new family and I would have been alone, feeling miserable, stupid, probably guilty, like a failure... I thought coming here, to somewhere I've always wanted to go would make it easier to deal with. I guess I wanted to run away from life, to escape everything that happened." I admitted. Oli just stroked my arm like he understood, or was reassuring me. "When I was pregnant and in the darkest time of my life, I bought that Venice guide book in a last ditch attempt to make myself feel better. Planning that trip was the only thing that helped me cope." I said, tears now welling in my eyes. "That's why being here gets to me so much. I think dreaming of being here... I don't know, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have that hope and dream. It probably saved me." I said as tears rolled down my face. Oli completely enveloped me in his arms as if he were protecting me. "I know it probably sounds silly, and I hate that I ever even considered giving her away now, but... it's the truth, as horrible as it is." I said into his shirt. "I hope you don't think less of me." I added quietly.
"Of course I don't and it doesn't sound silly at all. You're strong and brave for coming out of everything you went through the way you did. I don't think you understand how amazing you are, Willow. You went through hell and still have a smile on your face every day, you love Ivy with every part of yourself even though she was the reason for so much agony, you're not bitter or jaded or holding onto hatred over anything that happened to you... hell, you managed to forgive me and give me a second chance even though I probably didn't deserve it." he said. His words made me feel so understood. "I completely understand why you thought giving her away was the best decision at the time... you should never feel guilty for that, but you didn't take the easy way out anyway. You chose to love her despite everything and you know what? I'm so fucking happy that you did. I'm so fucking proud to be her dad, to have her with you and be a parent alongside you... But do you know what makes me even happier than that? That you're still getting your trip to Venice but that it's with Ivy and me, rather than the way you thought you would have it on your own, in an escape type of way." he said sweetly.
"Me too." I replied with tears in my eyes. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel better and when he squished my face into him, I felt so understood.
"I'm really happy that I can help you make this dream a reality and be a part of it with you. I would do absolutely anything to make you happy. You deserve everything you've ever wanted." he said softly into my hair. 

Oli had said things to me that I'd never really believed to be true, but hearing him say them made me believe them more. Maybe I was strong? Maybe I was brave? He made me feel so appreciated and loved, maybe more than Cassidy's words had ever even made me feel. Even though it should have made me emotional, it didn't. Our talk had strengthened our bond and just made me feel closer to him. We were working on our relationship and those types of conversations felt like steps in the right direction.