ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

OVERWHELMED

NOTE - This entire chapter is written from Oli's side of the story 🖤

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As I sat in the taxi travelling through the city back to my hotel, my mind raced. I had never thought about having kids, I had never wanted to be a Father, but Ivy was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She looked so much like Willow, but there was no denying I was her Father; her eyes held the same permanently sad shape that mine did. I didn't need the paternity test to confirm she was mine, but I still needed to do it. I didn't have any idea on how to be a Dad, I was thrown completely in the deep end, but Willow made being a parent look so easy and I guess I wanted to learn, for her sake as well as mine. I didn't know how my life was going to work with this new puzzle piece and I didn't know how my future was going to play out anymore, but I'd figure it out, I always did.

Once I was back at the hotel in the silence of my room I sat at the end of my bed and cried. I wasn't upset, I think I was just overwhelmed by everything and now that I was alone, I felt like I could let it out. I didn't know what to think or how I felt, honestly it was almost like I was in an alternate universe, like the past 12 hours weren't actually real. In a way it felt like I'd looked into a crystal ball and seen how my life could have been if things would have gone differently with Roses last year... like maybe if I hadn't of pushed her away when she told me she loved me, this is exactly what my life would have looked like in 5, 10 years from now... but it was here and now, it was real and it was messy and confusing.

It was only 6am in England so I took a shower to pass the time as I waited another hour or so to call Mat. I needed to talk about everything and he was the only person I could confide in. I messaged him telling him to call me when he was awake and he did about an hour later.
"Oli, mate. How are you?" he asked straight away.
"Hey, I'm alright." I replied. I didn't know what to tell him... there was so much.
"It's night time there, right?" he asked. "By the way, I took the dog out for a walk, so the MRS won't hear us talking." he added. I appreciated that.
"Thanks. It's nearly midnight here." I replied.
"So... did you see the baby? Do you think she's yours?" he asked. She definitely was, there was no doubt in my mind.
"Yeah, she's tiny and perfect, like a little doll." I said as I thought about her. "We're going to do a paternity test tomorrow, but I already know. There's no doubt about it." I stated.
"How do you feel? Are you alright?" he questioned.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't know how to feel though, it's like a fucking rollercoaster of emotions. I think I'm just trying to process everything. I fucking burst into tears when I held her." I admitted.
"Aww. That's kind of understandable..." he assured me.
"And how's Roses?" he asked carefully. I let out a heavy breath. Roses... She was beautiful, patient and kind even though she'd been through hell and I had treated her like absolute shit way too many times.
"She's OK, but I feel so fucking guilty. She's been through absolute hell, Mat, and it all started with me." I confessed. 

I told him the entire story; how she thought Ivy was someone else's, how she was threatened and eventually attacked, how she had to move away for safety and how she nearly died in childbirth. He was shocked to hear what I was telling him, as you would expect. "I feel fucking horrible that she was alone through all that. I mean she had Cassidy but, I would have helped her and supported her. I would have fucking flown her to Sheffield if I knew she was in danger." I said as I shook my head to myself.
"My God, that's fucking awful, but you didn't know she was having your baby. You had no way of knowing." he reassured me. He was right, but it didn't make me feel any less guilty.
"How was she aside from all that?" he asked.
"She's amazing with Ivy, and she seemed happy but there's something kind of sad about her too, reserved, distant... I guess I could hardly expect her to be how she used to be with me. By the way, I apologised for hurting her and she was shaking and fighting back tears. She tried to hide it, but... God, I feel so fucking shit for all of it..." I admitted.
"Well, it's in the past and you've apologised now. It's all you can do." he replied.