ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

FIRST MOMENTS

When we arrived at my apartment building, I clutched my abdomen as I slowly lifted myself out of the back seat of the taxi. Oli was already by my door as I got out and he noticed me struggling again. "Are you sure you're OK?" he asked with confusion as he watched me. I hadn't told him about my surgery or anything... not yet anyway. That wasn't exactly at the top of my list of things to tell him, but after seeing me struggling, I guessed I kind of had to. "I uh... it's a long story but I had to have emergency surgery and I'm still healing." I said as I slammed the car door shut.
"Emergency surgery? What happened?" he questioned with a frown. I didn't think he'd really be interested but he wasn't going to let that topic slide without asking.
"I uh, I haemmoraged right after Ivy was born so they had to operate to stop the bleeding." I explained. "Apparently I flat-lined." I added with a shrug.
"Fuck." he exclaimed. He looked so shocked. "I'm so sorry." he said like he felt bad for me.
"It's OK." I said as I showed him to the elevator.

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[OLI]

Jesus Christ... she flat lined? That must be what Cassidy meant when she said Roses nearly died...

Knowing that happened makes me feel sick.

I should have fucking been there.

What the fuck would have happened with the baby if she... Eugh I don't even want to think about that.

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Oli was at my building in San Francisco. He was just one elevator ride from my apartment and my entire life; just moments away from meeting Ivy. I couldn't help but think about how I always imagined he would be there, visiting me and now he was, even though the circumstances were totally different. I knew he wasn't there by choice.

As I showed Oli into my apartment, I saw the way Cassidy looked at him momentarily, it was like rage engulfed her and she wanted to jump up and rip his head off for everything he'd put me through, but she restrained herself. "Um, you probably remember Cassidy..." I said kind of awkwardly as she sat up on the couch.
"Yeah, of course. Hey." he said super awkwardly.
"Hi." she replied with constrained anger. I wondered if he saw the rage behind her eyes or if I only saw it because I could read her so well. I hoped she would bite her tongue and not say anything else, and she didn't, she just looked at me as if trying to see if I was OK.
"Well I guess I'll head off and give you some space." Cassidy said as she jumped up from the couch. I knew she wasn't Oli's biggest fan, but I could read her like a book - she was struggling to bite her tongue and not give him a piece of her mind. I didn't know if he picked up on it but as she disappeared to her room, I felt very awkward.

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[OLI]

Well she clearly hates me, not that I blame her.

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"Sorry, um, do you want a drink or anything?" I asked Oli, who was standing awkwardly near the kitchen bench. He said no, but I got 2 glasses of water anyway. Any distraction was a good distraction at that point. "I put her down about an hour ago." Cassidy said as she emerged from her bedroom with her work bag. "Thanks Cass. I'll see you when you get home." I said as she came over to me. I knew she didn't need to leave this early, but she obviously didn't want to be there. Whether that was because she hated Oli, or whether she wanted to give us space, I didn't know, but I understood. "I'll be home at 8:15." she said as she hugged me. "Everything OK?" she whispered quietly in my ear so he wouldn't hear. I just nodded. "OK. Message me the second he does anything to upset you and I'll come home." she whispered quietly. I nodded again. I really hoped that wouldn't be necessary.

I watched her leave then I just stood there for a moment. It was so tense but also so surreal that Oli was actually in my apartment... it felt like a dream, or maybe a nightmare, I didn't know yet. "Make yourself comfortable and I'll get her. If you're ready." I said shyly. He just nodded and sat down on the couch as I headed for my bedroom. Ivy was fast asleep, looking like a beautiful little angel as always. I laid a blanket on my bed, placed her onto it and lightly wrapped her in it then just stood there looking at her. She was so perfect and beautiful, I guess I hoped he would think the same thing about her, but I was really scared. I knew he didn't want kids and I knew seeing her would make it all real. I hoped he wouldn't hate her. "Ready to meet your Daddy?" I asked her, knowing she was totally oblivious to everything going on around her. I cradled Ivy in my arms and kissed her tiny cheek then took her to the lounge room, noticing Oli's desperate expression as he saw me holding her. "Do you want to hold her?" I asked as I just stood there.
"Uhh, I don't know, I'd probably do something wrong." he muttered. I had never seen Oli look so nervous and uncomfortable. His eyes were wide and held an expression of fear and disbelief as they stayed focused on the bundle of soft, pink fabric in my arms. "You won't do anything wrong." I replied, trying to reassure him a little. He glanced up at me with the most vulnerable look I had ever seen, his eyes filled with a kind of confused fear, then looked back to her. 

Something in his expression told me that deep down he did want to hold her, so I walked to him and leaned down to place Ivy into his arms. I took a step back to give him space, but he looked so awkward with the way he was holding her... he looked terrified; like he was afraid to move, afraid to even breathe. I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered if he wanted to give her back, run out of the apartment and head straight back to the airport and away from what was probably his worst nightmare. He just sat there looking at her sleeping in his arms and he was completely still and silent. I didn't dare say anything, but I stayed close in case he freaked out and wanted to give her back to me in a hurry. The silence felt so awkward as he sat there holding Ivy, I felt like I should say something just to break the silence, or maybe I should 'accidentally' knock something over just to break him out of his trance on her. Anything. I almost felt like I should leave the room to give him space to absorb his first moments with her, so he could have some time without my eyes on him. He was just sitting there, silently staring down at her, completely frozen. I wondered what was going through his head. Probably a million things.

Ivy eventually shifted her tiny body in Oli's arms and it's like the gravity of the situation suddenly hit him, like at that moment, he realised that she was real and not just a doll or a figment of his imagination. I noticed his expression change and then out of nowhere, he completely broke down, bursting into tears and letting out this sound I'd never heard out of anyone. I actually jumped as he made his sound of disbelief and his emotion completely exploded. It was what he'd done over video call the first time he saw her, but I still wasn't prepared for him to have the reaction he did in front of me. Tears automatically welled in my eyes at what I was witnessing. He was completely overwhelmed and for some reason, that made me happy. I couldn't stop myself from crying though as I watched his tears stream down his face, fall from his chin and land on Ivy's blanket. Seeing him cry wasn't something I was expecting but I think it was a positive reaction to meeting her and that made my entire body flood with relief. "Hi Ivy." he said to her softly, his voice broken and filled with emotion as he introduced himself to his Daughter.