LOVELESS

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A couple of days passed in San Francisco after I arrived back from Mexico and even though I still barely left my bed, I finally decided to tell Cassidy everything that happened at the end of my time with Oli. Cass waited three days for me to be ready to talk about it, but it was still hard for me to re-live. His words cut so deeply. 

Having to repeat the awful things Oli had said to me made my heart ache, but even worse was telling her about the beautiful things that happened; the days we shared in Acapulco that felt absolutely perfect. I had been so happy there, so carefree and comfortable with him. Everything felt so real. It was like we were a couple, like best friends and lovers combined, as if we'd known one-another and shared a deep connection for years. Part of me still couldn't believe that things ended the way they did but Oli hurt me more than anyone had ever hurt me before. I hate to admit it, but he single-handedly destroyed my self confidence; shattering the side of me that had always been strong and happy. Everything changed after Mexico.

I never thought I'd be the type of girl who'd let a boy or a failed relationship affect her in such a negative way, but I felt broken, fragile, vulnerable... I no longer loved myself or felt happy in my skin. He made me feel worthless. 

I was dreading going back to Uni and I didn't want to be social. I didn't go out, I didn't chat with friends, I wasn't active, I didn't even look at social media anymore... I didn't want to do any of the things I used to enjoy, I just wanted to stay in bed and give up on life. 

Maybe it's wrong to blame him for what I had become, but Oli Sykes destroyed me.

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