Friday was the most beautiful sunny day and Cassidy had it off, so she convinced me to go out with her for the day. She wanted to have a picnic on the beach by the Golden Gate bridge and I hadn't seen the ocean in months, so I agreed to go with her. Honestly, it was probably the last time I'd go before the arrival of the baby anyway.
The sand between my toes felt like home and the sunshine on my face made me feel happy. Cass and I laughed and talked over dips and crackers, and in a way it felt like the old days; like the time before everything in my life was turned upside down. Ivy kicked and kicked all day like she approved of being by the ocean; she was clearly going to be a beach girl like me... maybe the beach was going to be her happy place just like it was mine. Cassidy insisted on taking a photo to commemorate baby's first beach experience, despite still being in hibernation, so I let her. I wasn't exactly feeling photogenic anymore, but the photo she took was pretty incredible. She was such a talent.
The baby shower Cass organised was the following day; on Saturday. She assured me it wasn't going to be anything crazy, just the handful of friends who knew about my looming arrival and wanted to see me. Cassidy gifted me a gorgeous white maxi dress and banished me to my room for a couple of hours to get ready while she set up.
I could hear people arriving and helping her but it wasn't until 1pm that she told me I was free to come out. When I emerged from my room, my friends were all there standing around with gold party hats the cutest little table of party things. There were streamers and balloons and even a gold 'baby' word on the wall. It was small, simple and perfect and I couldn't help but cry a little. Cass had gone to so much trouble, she even referenced flowers and plants - and my name, with the little sign that read 'baby in bloom'. I took a photo of her beautiful creation and decided right then and there that it would be the first photo to grace my new instagram profile.
I smiled as I uploaded it. It felt so fitting that this was where that new chapter started, and I felt happy to be opening up to the world again. I'd been hidden away for far too long.
My friends showered me with gifts including the most beautiful rocking chair and they were so excited to feel the baby kick. I was the first person in our circle of friends to have a baby, so everyone was fussing and carrying on. It put me in such a good mood knowing that no matter what, my Daughter was going to be surrounded by strong female role models. I knew my friends would be there for her and would protect her as if she were their own. I was feeling a lot of love, happiness and support at my baby shower and even though I was still scared about what was going to happen in a few weeks, part of me was excited too. I guess I was finally feeling ready to meet my little mini me and introduce her to the world.
My friends stayed until it got dark, but once everyone had left and Cassidy and I were alone in the apartment, I sprawled out on the lounge while Cass cleaned up. I offered to help but she insisted I take it easy. In her opinion being pregnant meant I was unable to even help with clearing plates! I laid on the couch rubbing my tummy as my little girl kicked against my hands. She was really awake... maybe on a high from all of the sugar I'd consumed in the big slice of baby shower cake I ate, lol. "I really hope she's nothing like her Dad." I said out loud without really thinking; my thoughts flowing past my lips without a second thought. Cassidy looked at me from the table behind the couch and just paused for a second, probably wondering where that statement came from. "Well, she's going to have the most gorgeous blended skin tone and beautiful dark hair because of him, but other than that, she's going to be exactly like you – smart, funny, beautiful, kind. We're going to raise her to be a strong, independent woman!" Cass said. Her words were sweet, but I couldn't help but smile to myself. The way she said we were going to raise her together amused me. "You know if anyone hears you they're going to think we're a couple again." I laughed.
"Yeah well, let them. I love you more than I'll ever love any guy anyway. I mean, if you had a penis I'd probably marry you." she laughed. I laughed out loud.
"Well since I'm pregnant, I think you'd be the man in this relationship... and don't they have uh, 'toys' for that anyway?" I giggled.
"They're called strap on dildos, Willow." she stated, amused as always that I shied away from being direct.
"Wait. Are you asking me to marry you?" she joked. I just laughed.
"I'm sorry, I'm not." I said with a head shake. She wandered around to the end of the couch and leaned down to kiss my forehead as I laid there.
"I wouldn't have said yes anyway, sorry bitch." she said with a laugh. I pretended to be offended then broke into laughter. She was so sassy and silly, but I loved the way she could always make me laugh like that. She was the only person who had the ability to make me happy when I didn't necessarily know how to be."Cass... I didn't want to tell the others, but I think I've picked out a name for her..." I said as I sat up and looked to her in the kitchen.
"Really?" she questioned excitedly. I nodded. I had been thinking about names while I was at my parents' place, while I was bonding with my baby and thinking about what life was going to be like. I naturally started thinking about my own childhood and growing up, and while I could think of so many beautiful, unique names that sounded wonderful, there was always one that I kept coming back to.
"I think I want to name her Ivy. After my Grandmother." I stated. Cassidy's mouth dropped open and she stared at me intensely. "She was my favourite person in the entire world when I was growing up... she made me feel so loved." I said. Cassidy's face twitched and I saw the emotion on her face. Cass knew my Grandmother, she'd loved her like she was her own and Cass was by my side when she passed away a few years ago. It was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life, and I took it very badly. "Oh my God, that's beautiful." she finally said as tears escaped her eyes and she raced over to me to hug me. "Willow and Ivy..." she said as she squeezed me gently. "It's absolutely perfect." she stated. I thought so too.
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ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE
FanfictionI never thought that giving Oli Sykes a plastic rose at my first BMTH show would lead to this... ----------------------------------------- Two friends; Willow & Cassidy, travel cross-country following their favourite band, Bring Me The Horizon on to...