Harry Potter One Shots

Drarry x Harry ~ I May Have Just Robbed A Bank (Au)

A/N: this one is going to be pretty funny. I think. I have a weird sense of humor.

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Harry relaxed in his car at the parking lot in front of the bank. He was listening to music as he waited for Ginny to get back. He promised his friend Ron he'd drive her to the bank.

Suddenly, a piercing shriek filled the air, causing Harry to look at the bank. People were screaming and running out and someone with a couple bags of money ran his way.

"Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! F! U! C! K!" Harry screeched to himself as the man carrying the bags banged on the window, kinda looking a bit horrified of what he did. Hesitantly, Harry opened the door.

"I'm sorry to do this to you, but I may have accidentally robbed a bank." The man jumped in and buckled himself in.

"How do you accidentally rob a bank!" Harry screamed.

"Just hit the gas because you now are haboring a criminal!" The man screamed, his slicked back blond hair a frightful mess. Harry started driving.

"No, but seriously, how do you rob a bank?" Harry questions as he made it to country like road, not even close to slowing down.

"Well, I was getting money from my bank account, and the guy behind me pulls out a fucking gun and steals money, pushing two bags to me! He said I was his accomplice and I don't even understand what the fuck happened!!!!!" The man screamed.

"I know I shouldn't, but I believe you. You look horrified that you had stolen money." Harry sighed.

"What am I supposed to do!?!?! I'm a wanted criminal!!!" The man screeched.

"Shh. Calm down. I think I know a place." They kept driving until they reached a tick grove of trees. Harry kept driving, slower this time, then stopping his car and getting out.

"Where are we?" The man asks.

"A forest. I built a bunker here a few years back. Ah, here it is!" Harry reached a rock and opened a iron door to reveal a ladder. "After you." Harry says, the man going down the ladder, Harry soon following, closing the door behind him.

"You, built this?" The man questions, seeing a network of tunnels and many doors.

"I had a weekend." Harry shrugged.

"Who are you?" The man asks quietly.

"I'm Harry Potter! And you?" Harry questions.

"Draco Malfoy." The man responds.

"Okay then. Well, feel free to wander the rooms, I'm going to make something bro eat." Harry says, going to the first room on the right. Draco followed. Not sure of anything. When he entered, he found a great kitchen with dark wood flooring and marble walls along with a large fridge, microwave and oven.

"Are you a billionaire or something? How can you afford to build this place?" Draco questions curiously.

"Yup. I'm an actor so....." Harry smiled and started making pancakes with gummy bears in them.

"Won't someone notice you're gone?" Draco questions.

"Not at all. They think I'm visiting my girlfriend or something. I don't even have a girlfriend! I prefer guys anyways." Harry shrugged, as if we're common knowledge.

"That so? Whatcha making?" Draco questions Harry, a sweet savory smell filling his mouth, causing it to water. Like chips and fresh, ripe tomatoes.

"Spaghetti. With a side of chips." Harry shrugged.

"I have to ask, do you do stuff like this often? Take bank robbers in? You seem oddly comfortable with it." Draco comments.

"Well, my friend Ron is a shoplifter, so, I guess. He comes from a poor family and I take them under my wing all the time. There's Charlie and Percy, there's Bill. The twins Fred and George. Fred died recently from skin cancer. He died laughing. There's Ron, my best friend, funny right, and his girlfriend Hermione. I've been friends with them since I was 11. Then there's Ginny. She's a sweet girl, but a bit obsessed with me. I was actually dropping her off at the bank. Well, more like picking her up. She works there. Only Ron knows of this place, but he will never tell." Harry says causally, getting three plates.

"Why are you getting three plates?" Draco questions.

"Harry? You here? I know you're here!" Ron shouted as he entered the kitchen.

"Hey Ron." Harry smiled.

"Yup. Should've known. Hey, I'm Ron." Ron introduced.

"Draco." Draco said, a bit confused.

"My sister was the bank teller you know. She knows you didn't actually Ron the bank." Ron comments, sitting at the table in the corner of the room and putting his feet on the table.

"Feet off the table! Hasn't your mother taught you any manners Ronald!" Harry chuckled.

"You sound like Hermione." Ron groans.

"You two are psychopaths." Draco muttered.

"Actually, it's highly functioning sociopaths! Besides, I believe all of us are a bit insane." Harry says, putting Spaghetti and chips on a plate with tomato sauce on the spaghetti. The saucepans a bit like a paste to be honest.

"No one should be this calm in a situation like this." Draco said.

"You'd be surprised. Look, until they find out that you're innocent, the best thing to do is stay low. And look, if you weren't innocent, I wouldn't help you." Harry sighed, glancing at Draco.

"I have never met someone quite like you Potter." Draco comments.

"Very few have. Not many people are as kind as I." Harry smirked.

"He's telling the truth. It's like he's a beacon for problem people. I mean, Hermione is an OCD case with a high sex drive, my family is poor and I'm a shoplifter. Our friend Neville was recently released from an insane asylum after finally breaking after his parents death. They were murdered. Luna is a lunatic who is a bit stalkerish. And now you, the person framed of bank robbery." Ron listed, running his hand through his ginger hair.

"You like helping people who can't be saved." Draco says with a head tilt.

"Everyone can be saved. And I belong around the insane. Parents were murdered while I watched, just a child, beaten and abused by my aunt, uncle and cousin, drive to the brink of insanity, glad when I was 18. I inherited the family fortune and grew. Became someone respected. Like I said, we are all a bit insane." Harry says, looking at Draco.

"You make me question reality." Draco says, looking at Harry's deep green eyes, a bit bluish near the irises.

"It's my specialty." Harry smirked.

"Get a room!"

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A/N: okay, that did not go the way I had planned it.