Ohana Reviews

Review- At five

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- At five
Author- namhobisugajinnie

Blurb:
Blurb is simple yet nice. We get the base of the story. The question- Is Kenzie really a part of Mae's past? doesn't seem to have much impact because of lack of information. I would suggest adding a little more about Kenzie, along with the fact she took Mae in. Then this question will be more effective.

Look out for missing commas. Overall, the blurb is good.

Prologue
It starts off with a dialogue that puts emphasis on the title. Great idea. The prologue has really done its work. It makes us eager to find out what will happen to the two and what actually happened(which Kenzie is unaware about) when she was five.

Moving towards the chapters,

Awesome start. Mae's actions show that she is hiding(definitely coming from somewhere) and the buzzer is about to ruin that.

★Perks of being a med student. Doom I mean.
Loved this sentence.

The way Mae describes Kenzie is far different than what we saw in the prologue. It makes me curious to see how everything will change.

I love the bond between the three. Dialogues flow effortlessly.

Descriptions of the surroundings are next to nil. And descriptions about their background is plainly stated. More depth can be added in that.

The sentence- I deserve the pain; was so heartbreaking. It showed the state of Mae and made me intrigued about why she is like this. What must be her past.

As chapters pass by I do find out where Mae was coming from so late at night.

CJ has also made a mark with his adorable ramblings. Plus the hospital visit has made me more curious about him. I like how the connection comes up later.

I assume Kyle is the library boy. Would love to see Mae's reaction when she finds out.

I am also interested to know how Kenzie found Mae and how they started living together.

*****

Characterization is done brilliantly. Each and every character, even the ones with small screen space have made their mark.

Like I said before, the author needs to work on descriptions. Not too much, just to get a gist of what's going on. The scenes will be much more impactful then.

Dialogues and emotional conveyance is at point. They connect very well.

I am still not sure about the entire concept of the story, except for the fact that something has happened at the age of five. The plot is mysterious, but of a different kind. I am curious where this would lead but I am not an edge. Story is going really well as I want to keep reading the chapters one after the other.

Plot moves smoothly, but grammatical errors keep breaking the flow.

Grammar:
Commas are missing in multiple areas.
Missing full stop at some places.

Tenses fluctuate a bit. Major problem is the punctuation. They are creating a barrier to the smooth flow of the story.

Last words,

Story is interesting as well as intriguing. Although there were very few chapters, the story still managed to create a hook.

Characters and the plot are at par. A little bit of editing is needed for the story to reach its potential.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!