Ohana Reviews

Review ~ FHAE

FHAE BY ubhattaa

reviewer: kailucy

Title 4/5

The title is okay. It makes sense once the blurb is read. I like that aspect a lot.

Cover 3/5

Not the biggest fan of the cover. I feel like it should be more eye-catching. The words underneath are blurry and it's cropped where the author's name isn't on it.

Blurb 4/5

The blurb is good. It's interesting and introduces the plot. There are a few grammar mistakes. And a line or two that didn't read right.

An improved version would look a bit more like this. I fixed some of the errors and tried to make it a little easier to read. "The year is 2079, and humanity has made enormous progress in every field. The major reason for this huge success of humanity is the FHAE exam, which is taken every year. 15-year-old Blake Robbins decides to take this exam to fulfill his dream of becoming the leader of one of the great five nations. This is the story of his four years of hardship, which he overcomes together with his other five friends. But don't take it as a simple high school life story of kids because "Humans are disgusting creatures." "

Plot 19/20

The plot is good. It raised questions and kept me interested in continuing.

Characters 12/15

Right now I'm finding it hard to connect with the characters. However, I do plan to continue reading to see if that changes. Blake definitely has the potential to be a super interesting character but as I said I'm just not feeling it right now.

Writing style 18/20

The first line is good. It really sets the mood for the rest of the story. It got me wanting to continue reading. You have an engaging writing style.

The second paragraph could be worded differently. For example "The world became something like that over time. The year is 2079 and Blake Robbins' mind is wandering while he is at his graduation ceremony."

It's not perfect but it gets the point across without dragging on. The actual thoughts of the character were fine so I didn't add that part.

I feel like that is the main place for improvement. Some things feel redundant. 

Like in the third paragraph, it could sound more natural. For example, "The host announced the top five. Blake's name wasn't called. Later on, when he checked he was 6th. His twelve years of schooling flashed before his eyes. I didn't even get in the top five. How am I going to crack FHAE?"

It's not perfect but it does get the point across. I just took a few lines out because it was basically already hinted at or stated directly.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary 15/20

There were quite a few minor errors. Mostly extra punctuation marks but there were some subject-verb disagreements as well.

Engagement 9/10

I did enjoy the chapters I've read so far. I think the idea is unique and I hope to continue.

Overall 84/100

Overall, I think you have a good story. The areas that need improvement can easily be fixed. The plot is interesting and unique and I enjoyed the way you write. Good luck with your future writing/editing!

Note: I did note that you wanted more words you could use and honestly I couldn't really think of any. I think you have a decent word choice for the most part.