Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Airborne [part four]

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Airborne

Author: @courtneyrush756

Plot Overview: 

[chapters 16-21] This final section carried a lot of anticipation. The whole book was working towards the big climax when they finally met Bill–and for me, it fell a bit flat. There's potential for this to be a bigger moment, I think the content mentioned was fine, but could use a bit more attention and fine-tuning.

For instance, the twist with Brody wasn't super clear to me. I think this was brushed over too quickly, and then, the reveal of the vest didn't make a lot of sense to me. I think it's a fun twist–I'm just not sure if he would've been knocked unconscious from that event, and wouldn't Chloe have been suspicious from the lack of blood?

One idea would be to have the impact push him backwards, maybe he cracks his head on something and that knocks him out. It could also crack his head open, causing blood to rush out. This might make for a more shocking image that would panic Chloe more. Just one idea!

And then, I'd like to mention the ending. It felt too 'perfect' for me. For one, finding Levi that fast and him revealing everything felt anticlimactic. In my opinion, it felt strange to kill the man who started it all–I understand seeking revenge, but in the end, it didn't solve anything. So, I'm unsure what message you wanted to tell through this ending–that justice still exists in this world?

The idea of an unresolved ending almost sounds appealing to me. What if they never found Levi? Brody was right with his fears from earlier, and Chloe has to reconcile that they live in a messy world, and things don't always work out. But she can make do with what she does still have, which is Brody.

If it's important for you for Chloe to reveal what started the apocalypse, maybe Bill could offer some insight, and if it's important for you to have Chloe really kill the source, then I would suggest offering a bit more internal dialogue of what that moment really meant for her. Was it for her parents? Her friends? Make it more personal so it didn't seem so villain-y. Maybe she even makes a decision to let him live, but then the Rotters charge in anyway–so it's not her fault.

Maybe it's just me that holds the opinion that killing the villain is a bit too cliche, but I do think it's worth it to ponder your options. If in the end, this ending feels right to you, and the story you're trying to tell, then it works for me! Just make sure the actions your characters take, send a message you want your readers to take away.

Pacing: The story, overall, was paced nicely. I think their romance developed more naturally in these next few chapters, so that was nice. But there were some individual moments that felt a bit too fast.

Like already mentioned, the section in chapter 19 where Brody gets hurt, felt a bit quick. I'd have Chloe sit in that moment of initial shock a bit longer, fully explain the scene in front of her and the effect it's having on her body. Like heart drumming, throat going dry, tears prickling–really go into it here as it is the climax of the whole story.

Style and Flow: The story flowed nicely from one point to the next. At times, it felt your descriptions were a bit weaker in these few chapters–probably because you were more focused on the action.

So, if interested, I'd go back through and really add in some imagery to the scenery/rotters, etc. Particularly when they met Bill and Levi, I'd love to know more about the setting these scenes took place in.

And other note: I'd consider renaming your last chapter, as right now, it's a bit of a spoiler to readers thumbing through the chapter names. (;

Characters: Brody and Chloe really fell into sync in these last chapters, which felt natural and right. I liked their dynamic and how apparent their love for each other was during the tense moments of action.

I appreciate the way Brody trusts Chloe to handle her own–it's refreshing to see a guy trust a girl's instincts and not feel a need to protect her. And, I loved the moments we got to see Chloe smart off to the villains; it showed she still has her fire in her that was present in the earlier chapters.

Grammar/Spelling: Again, I left inline comments about small typos. And other than issues with dialogue tags I had already mentioned, I didn't notice any new grammatical errors.

Final thoughts: Overall, this was a fun read. The apocalyptic elements aided in telling their love story, and the main characters felt fresh and unique. With a bit of fine tuning, I think this story would find a lot of success. Thanks for choosing me as your reviewer, and hope you keep telling more stories! (: