Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Airborne Part Two

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Airborne

Author: @courtneyrush756

Blurb: I like all of the changes. Only one note: the opening line reads as an incomplete sentence. One way to fix this would be to re-word after the comma to read something like: everyone has turned into cannibalistic creatures. Does this make sense?

Plot Overview: I've really enjoyed the plot through these next five chapters. I'm really enjoying the slow burn with Chloe and Brody, they seem to be opening up to each other and growing on one another. Additionally, there were some great action scenes–chapter seven stands out in particular.

My only concern with the plot, which is maybe a fault on my end, is that I'm still a bit fuzzy on what exactly Chloe is trying to accomplish. I know they're headed to sector seven–I think Chloe is hoping to find someone there, but I wish she would offer more internal dialogue on her hopes or fears once she reaches there. Just so I could have some more clarity, instead of feeling like they're on an aimless journey. Again, I'm sure this was mentioned briefly in earlier chapters, but bits of it have slipped my mind by now!

Overall, I'm really enjoying the plot and their dynamic. And I wanted to mention, I loved the addition of the dream in chapter ten. A unique and subtle way of showing Chloe's changing attitude toward Brody, without her having to really admit it to herself–which seems appropriate for her stubborn character, to deny her feelings, even to herself.

Pacing: The pacing feels really good to me! The action scenes were really slowed down in these next few chapters and felt really well described. Also, I'm loving the slow burn between the main characters, and all of the subtle actions that suggest their relationship is building and growing. Nice work!

Style and Flow: Everything flows very nicely, and I really enjoy your writing style. You are wonderful at describing action, both with the characters' facial expressions/body language and big fight scenes. Only note would be to make sure your descriptions translate to physical appearances of things too. At times, those tend to be left out for me! For instance, I would love some more description of the main characters' actual appearance and scenery as they explore. A moment where you execute this wonderfully is in chapter eight, describing the watering hole.

Characters: I enjoyed getting to know more of Brody's backstory, and just more about his personality as well. He has golden retriever energy, and I love the way he meshes with Chloe's more reserved/stubborn attitude. It's a refreshing change from the typical brooding boys on Wattpad. (;

Overall, I think developing characters is where you really shine as an author. Through their dialogue and actions, Brody and Chloe feel like really defined characters and I love them already!

Grammar/Spelling: Again, I tried pointing out some minor errors in the inline comments. The only other errors I noticed were a pattern of incomplete sentences. In many instances, incomplete sentences can be an effective tool in writing–but they are typically used for emphasis, or when following a pattern within a larger context.

This didn't appear to be the case in your writing, so I thought I would mention. Some examples of incomplete sentences in your writing can be found in chapter six, where you wrote: A mile out of town, fifteen–twenty tops. The way this is written, feels like the beginning to a larger sentence, not something that can stand on its own.

Another example is in chapter ten, where you wrote: Swiveling in my spot, the warmth slowly disappearing with the shift in temperature. Again, this is incomplete. One way to fix this would be to write: Swiveling in my spot, the warmth slowly disappears with the shift in temperature.

Final thoughts: These next five chapters were a fun read. I'm really enjoying how Chloe and Brody's dynamic is playing out. The watering hole scene was my favorite so far–I liked how natural it felt for them to take a moment to bathe, but it also brought them a lot closer. I anticipate things to start heating up between them, and I'm interested in seeing how Chloe reacts to that, because she seems very hesitant about letting new people in. Overall, great writing! (: