Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Airborne [Part Three]

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Airborne

Author: @courtneyrush756

Plot Overview: These next few chapters were heavily focused on character progression. Things started progressing very quickly between Chloe and Brody. Almost too quickly.

For me, a good romance novel has a lot of push and pull between the main characters. However, here, it seemed like they fell into sync too easily. After Chloe's dream, she just started pouring out all of her secrets and becoming a puddle around him–it felt out of character.

I will say the action scenes which were included were presented wonderfully. Everything was described very vividly, which created tension and made for an exciting read! The thing that threw me off, were the interactions between Chloe and Brody during these parts.

More specifically, during chapter thirteen, Brody's choice of words confused me. During this tense action-packed moment, he tried having a heart to heart conversation with her. And then pivoted to calling her 'darling' and 'good girl.' It felt like some sort of strange sexual tension that didn't match the sweet Brody we had come to know.

I guess I just wish there was a bit more conflict between the two of them, so that things felt more natural and not so rushed. As a reader, one of my favorite moves from an author is to set everything up to work out perfectly–and then have them take it all away.

Present it like Chloe and Brody's romance is about to be picture perfect, and then create some sort of conflict that sends it all crashing down. You may think this sounds counter-intuitive, but readers live for the drama! Frustrate us. Give me something to look forward to. Don't make it all come too easily.

Pacing: So, the beginning of chapter eleven started off a bit slow. There was a large section of reflection, and a recap from both Brody and Chloe. The thing is, it didn't feel completely necessary. I understand wanting to show Brody's changing attitude or explain his inner thoughts, but that can be shown subtly through actions or dialogue [or through just a line or two of reflection]. For instance, when Brody mentioned later on that he feared abandonment, readers could infer he wouldn't want to leave Chloe, as he isn't someone who likes to be alone.

So let your readers come to conclusions on their own, without feeling a need to spell it all out for them. Write for intelligent readers–don't assume they won't catch on to your subtleties.

Other than that, the action scenes were paced nicely, and aside from their romance progressing a bit too quickly for my taste, everything was laid out well.

Style and Flow: Your word choices in these next few chapters were wonderful. You seemed to have paid extra close attention to describing, and fully fleshing out action scenes. In chapter twelve, the moment with the snake was brilliantly explained–it really ramped up the tension. Another great moment was the description of the Bestial. I really enjoyed these parts, so great work here!

Characters: Chloe started to open up these next few chapters. For a moment, she was soft and sharing all of the secrets she had kept hidden. It felt out of character for her, but when the action picked back up it was nice to see her return to her badass self.

I understand needing a moment for Chloe to soften and open up, but since she is so hardened, I almost wish there was a moment that forced her to that point. Like maybe a real moment where she felt like she was losing Brody–like history was repeating itself. Perhaps she has a breakdown and it all comes flooding out, instead of her making the choice to just spill her guts. I think that could help it feel more suited for her character.

And as I said, Brody and Chloe together, seemed to fall into place too easily. Again, because Chloe was presented as such a tough character to crack, it seems strange for her to be so open to Brody and his advances after one dream about him. Make that the turning point, but I wouldn't make it change everything.

Grammar/Spelling: I left a few inline comments throughout. But, other than things already discussed in previous reviews, everything looked fine here!

Final thoughts: Overall, I really do enjoy these two characters. You've spent ten chapters setting them up as these distinct, well thought out people, so make sure you stay true to the personalities you've already established. Make wise choices on how you choose to progress these characters. Sometimes, you need to craft events to force your characters to change, instead of offering some rationale through internal dialogue to force it to make sense.

Because I care about them and this story, I want it to be the best it can be! And I think if their romance is slowed down and paced more thoughtfully, the reward of them finally getting together would be that much sweeter! Keep it up, as your writing abilities continue to get better and better every time I read more. (: