Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ The Winter Sun

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: The Winter Sun

Author: @omariewriting

Title and Cover: The title and cover look like a retro romance novel, which is kind of fun!. I love the font of the title text–it looks super professional. The cover art looks a little pixelated to me, but that may be some intentional effect on the image itself. Regardless, it reads clean and seems suited for the genre.

Blurb: The content of the blurb is pretty good. Good job with not oversharing or spoiling anything. And I feel I gained a good understanding of what to expect in the novel.

The only thing I'm cloudy on is what "the Favor" may be, but I wouldn't want you to over explain that in the blurb, either. But I wonder if there is a more vague way to say it without using the actual terminology. Reason being, it doesn't really tell me anything since I don't know what it means–so in a way, it's almost unnecessary information.

Also, I would recommend adding actual spacing between paragraph one and two. And perhaps make a third one starting with 'however...' I think it would read cleaner and not as clunky.

Plot Overview: I really enjoyed the first five chapters. Everything served a purpose and there has been a really nice set up establishing distinct characters and their backstories. It's clear you understand story structure as things have been presented nicely.

I really appreciate the information provided in chapter two/three about Lach's mother's secret. That was a seamless way to force Lach to change his mind about working for the royals. This was smart and necessary to move the story forward.

And I love how much detail and thought you've put into this world. The backstory of Lach and Amaya's complicated families, and the tale of the Sun God and the Favor, are all woven together to create this wonderfully rich and immersive world. Great work!

Pacing: The pacing has felt really good. You manage to deeply describe everything while still creating engaging moments. I never found myself bored, rather invested in the characters and eager to see their next moves.

Style and Flow: The story is wonderfully written. I love your vivid descriptions–our first introduction to Princess Amaya comes to mind as an example of this. And, I appreciate the terminology you've chosen to use as it really aids to the timing of the story–it really feels like I'm immersed in a medieval, fantastical world.

I also want to mention, the sequences of dreams/flashbacks of Lach are woven in nicely. This can be difficult to achieve, but you managed to do it seamlessly. They served a purpose and were interesting to read.

I will say, there are times where your paragraphs run a bit long. The way Wattpad is set up, the more paragraphs the better. An example is that opening paragraph in chapter one. To start the story off with a chunky paragraph, may scare some new readers away quickly–and I'd hate for that, as your writing is so beautiful.

Characters: The characters have been my favorite part. You've brilliantly introduced Lach, making me instantly invested in his journey. Through actions and dialogue, you've established him to be a humble, yet stubborn, hard working young man who deeply loves his family. It's clear he has a complicated relationship with the royals and that's added necessary tension to the plot.

Lach's mother and his little brother are also nice editions. I appreciate how you've presented his mother as a bit worn down, but working so hard to make her kids' lives better. And Elson is too cute–the way he looks up to his brother is so endearing.

And Amaya, I love that she's not a stereotypical princess. After only a short introduction to her, it's clear she's headstrong and doesn't want to be tied down to a man.

Grammar/Spelling: I left a few inline comments with suggestions of corrections so that they could be easily spotted. Other than that, the only other errors I noticed were in reference to dialogue tags.

Make sure when you connect dialogue with a dialogue tag [he said, a woman yelled, the boy chanted] to use lowercase letters. Example: "That cat ran fast," my father said.

Even when the dialogue ends in punctuation [a question mark or exclamation point] the tag should still be lowercase. Example: "That cat ran fast!" my father said.

There were many times when you would capitalize the tag. An example is from chapter one, where you wrote: "Yes, stablemaster!" The two men yelled back... To correct this, simply lowercase the word 'the.'

I noticed this throughout, and sometimes I noticed you would connect dialogue to a dialogue tag with a period [like this: "That cat ran fast." My father said]. Dialogue tags should connect only to dialogue with commas, question marks or exclamation points–never periods.

The only time you would use periods to end dialogue is if no dialogue tag is present! If an action follows, etc. [Example: "That cat ran fast." The calico cat sprinted across the room.]

Final thoughts: Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I think you made really smart choices in presenting characters and the actions they took. Every action a character made was logical and well thought out. After reading, I trust you as an author to craft a well-written, detailed and intelligent story. I'd definitely be interested in reading more from you. Keep writing!