Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Silverton's Journey

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Silverton's Journey

Author: @Sumaia_Islam

Title and Cover: The title seems suited for the story. After reading the blurb I can infer Silverton is a main character and we will be following her journey throughout this new world. As far as the cover, I really like the colors. The white font pops nicely against the red, which is a good color for a vampire story. It reads clean, but I'm not sure the leaves image itself clearly conveys a vampire novel.

Blurb: You've kept the blurb pretty concise, which I appreciate. And, I like the excerpt you chose from the story as a sample of your writing. One small suggestion would be to reword the last sentence in that second blurb: She teams up with Leon to destroy the enemies to save the vampire kingdom. Reason being, it reads as a spoiler. I would suggest rewording to make this sound like a goal instead of what happens.

One other thing, the beginning of that last blurb reads a bit funny: As Leon trains her to make her fate to good use... I would maybe reword to say something like: "...trains her to fulfill her destiny" OR "...trains her to allow fate to prevail."

Plot Overview: The premise is intriguing–the idea Olivia is the last of her kind and someone is after her makes for an exciting start. You've done a good job setting this up, and I am interested in seeing how the journey plays out. Also, the first five chapters were pretty engaging, not too boring in any parts.

However, there are moments that could have had more tension built to make things even more engaging. For instance, there are times where it felt like you were 'telling' instead of 'showing.' These are terms commonly used in writing and I would recommend seeking out more resources/videos online of how to 'show vs tell.'

But, briefly, it means to go into more detail instead of just stating something happened. For instance, in chapter three there was a scene of men in uniform approaching Olivia, and you wrote 'a group of men came to her and stopped her,' and then a super brief action scene. I would recommend describing what Olivia saw approaching: ten burly men in pressed green uniforms stomped through crunching leaves, etc. By thoroughly describing each scene with vivid imagery, sounds, smells, etc, it makes the story more immersive and exciting.

Other parts where you could enhance tension of the plot is through describing emotions. There were many parts where you would write things like: she looked surprised, she was afraid of Leon. This also borders on telling, which makes the scenes fall flat–instead show me those emotions: Olivia's mouth gaped, her brows slightly raised.

Pacing: The pacing felt nice in terms of overall story structure. However, in individual scenes, some of the more action-packed moments felt too rushed. For high stakes scenes to feel more effective, I recommend sitting in those moments a bit longer to create more tension. For instance, in chapter two, the scene where Leon appears with a knife/bites her could have been more prolonged.

This scene was nicely described, but because it's such a big moment, I would love even more. Maybe a moment for her to reflect internally what she thought was happening, or try to get out of the scenario, or think about her family.

But overall, pacing is nicely done, I'd just keep in mind to slow down those high paced scenes to make them more effective and immersive.

Style and Flow: The story flows nicely from one scene to the next. Everything made sense and was easy to follow. There are moments where I think even more description could make the story shine–but I already mentioned these things in the 'plot' section of the review. But as a whole, your writing style is clean and concise and makes for a quick, enjoyable read.

Characters: Our main character Olivia is interesting–she has so much happening around her, but at times she seems to be unphased. What I mean is, once she wakes up tied up, she seems a bit too calm for the situation.

I would have loved to see her have a bit more panic–reflect on her sister, try to immediately go back to her. It felt like she kind of just accepted her fate and quickly fell into asking questions about the King/Prince, etc to Leon. It could have felt more realistic for her to be more focused on trying to get away from him or be more terrified by her situation. For instance, I liked the scene in chapter three where she felt like it was all a dream and considered running away–I would have sat in this longer or presented it earlier on.

Also, so far, Olivia comes across as a bit weak. Again, I understand she's afraid, but if this were the case, I would have made it even more clear through her actions/emotions. Because right now, she just feels timid–until chapter five when she finally tries to fight back, but even then, it didn't amount to much. Maybe it's a personal preference to like more strong/stubborn female leads, but I think this story lends itself to have Olivia be a really powerful/complex character and that seems much more appealing to me.

Grammar/Spelling: I really didn't notice any spelling errors or many grammatical errors. The only real thing I noticed was in reference to dialogue–in chapter two, toward the end, you have Leon and Olivia talking in the same paragraph. A new paragraph should be created each time a different character begins their dialogue.

Final thoughts: Overall, I think you have a great start to an interesting story. If anything, I would just expand on what you already have–you have good bones for your story; just go through and make the scenes more vivid with imagery. Also, I would recommend making your characters more distinctive; have Olivia's personality clearer and more suited for the situation. And then, I think this story would be that much more engaging. You're a wonderful writer–everything flows nicely and is easy to read, so I'd just keep working at it! Great work. (: