Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Neighbor

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Neighbor

Author: @bosandaros

Title and Cover: I quite like the simplicity of the title and cover art. It suits a mystery novel, and it reads clean. While I enjoy the font of the title, my only comment would be to maybe make your name a bit smaller or a different font. Reason being, it blends in with the title, and took me a moment to realize it was your name and not part of the title itself.

Blurb: The blurb is great! No visible errors and it reads very clear and concise-no unnecessary information. I wouldn't change anything here.

Plot Overview: So far, the plot is quite interesting. It's very unique bringing those two opposing points of view together, creating a lot of opportunities for exciting twists.

One mention, the scenes are great, but I wish there was more description of the rooms themselves. For instance, in the morgue there wasn't much mention of what it looked like, and some readers may have no idea what one looks like! Also, in chapter three, I'd love some description of Zed's home. I'd imagine it'd be pretty bland, which could contribute to his bachelor-like character.

Pacing: The pacing feels good to me, some people struggle with backtracking or repeating parts of the story when switching between points of view-but that isn't an issue here. The story moves along nicely, without dragging anything out.

Style and Flow: I love your writing style, it's a bit dry and matter-of-fact, which is really suited for the genre. You have established a unique tone, where I already feel I'd be able to identify your writing even if it wasn't stated, which is pretty neat. Additionally, your clean, concise writing helps the flow-everything moves along nicely. A quick and enjoyable read.

Characters: Zed feels like a super realistic character. I've met many a man like him-super involved in his work, everything else has fallen to the wayside. Additionally, I wanted to mention, I love the little detail of him critiquing the crime shows; that is all too real.

Mavis is a complicated one. Her perspective is super fun to read about, and there are little nuggets of information that kept me wondering about her real intentions. The mention of her showing up at the crime scene seems to tell a lot about her character. Did she show up out of fear, curiosity, or some deeper infatuation with watching the authorities unravel her case?

My only suggestion would be to not make Mavis too one dimensional. It's clear she's unstable and villainous, but I want her to be more than that. In order for me to be invested in her storyline, I'd want some kind of redeeming quality-an explanation for her behavior. Something to show me potential for character development or redemption throughout the story, even if that's not how it ends up.

I saw another reader comment Mavis reminded her of Joe in the Netflix story You. And I agree! The thing about Joe is even though he's awful, you're kind of rooting for him. That's kind of what I'm referencing on how I want to feel about Mavis. I'd recommend checking it out.

Grammar/Spelling: I really didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors. Your writing is super clean, wouldn't worry about this too much. It seems like you've got this figured out already.

Other: One suggestion to further enhance your writing would be to lean in on describing more of the character's senses. Your writing is very descriptive, but primarily focuses on sight. There are opportunities to describe other things such as smells, sounds, tastes, and feelings to further immerse your readers.

For instance, the morgue scene in chapter one. This is such a pivotal moment in understanding Zed and his line of work, I think you could lean into the gore-help show how desensitized he's become. This would be a perfect time to incorporate smells or the sensation of breaking of bones/ribs, the sounds of the knife slicing into flesh, etc.

One last little thing I had to mention, there was talk of Zed referencing corn syrup and red dye in his classes-as someone who went to school partly for forensics, we used cow's blood. (;

Final thoughts: I'm really intrigued by your story so far. You are an incredibly talented writer, very descriptive. I love your clean and concise writing style; it makes for a seamless read. And the subject matter is right up my alley. Mysteries can be tough to write, so I'd be interested in reading on to dive more into the plot/story structure.

Overall, great work! I don't feel I had too much to contribute other than a pat on the back.