Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Love at Dawn

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Love at Dawn

Author: @LiebeKlara

Title and Cover: The title is sweet and to the point. It feels suited for the genre. And I love the cover art! It's appropriate for the story and is a bit whimsical and romantic. To make it appear more as a professional book cover, I would consider centering the title in the bottom, over their legs. Maybe add a bevel or shadow to make it pop. And you could add your name to the top, for author creds!

Blurb: The blurb is beautifully written. However, it does run quite long! I tend to recommend keeping blurbs concise and to the point, offer just enough to let your readers know what to expect. But, I can tell you went a more creative route, so I actually enjoy your blurb.

My only comment after reading the first five chapters, is that I still don't know who Fiona is, so I'm a bit confused how that will all come together. And the questions at the end, I'm not sure the last one is needed. The first question brings it all together, but the second one feels a bit cheesy after the beautiful writings you have offered.

Plot Overview: First off, I really enjoyed the first five chapters. You've created a wonderful world to play in through vivid descriptions, and the words you've chosen really help set the time period.

Also, I appreciate the way you introduced the characters, and didn't force an inappropriate relationship on them in the beginning due to their age gap. In fact, there were many times you suggested the opposite, like in chapter three when you said, 'not a true love affair, Edith was still far from the age..' I think this was important to clarify, and I'm happy you did.

So far, I think you've made smart choices in presenting characters and structuring the story. There hasn't been a ton of action, but that wouldn't suit the story you're trying to tell. It's been engaging throughout, and I would be interested in reading more!

Pacing: The story feels well-paced. Every moment is wonderfully described and given the proper care. Things have progressed nicely, without feeling too rushed or bogged down. Good work!

Style and Flow: I'm loving your writing style–your sentences are clean and easy to read, but you still manage to go in depth with your descriptions. One that really stood out for me was the section describing Edith in chapter four. Everything feels so vivid, and it makes the story that much more exciting to read.

The story flows nicely–even the transition from Edith's childhood to young adult felt seamless. The way you ended chapter three with the simple statement, "The following year, the family moved to Paris," felt perfect. Brief, yet nothing more was needed.

Furthermore, the banner images you've included at the top of each chapter really help set the scene. I loved every one of them. My only comment would be to maybe switch up some of the chapter names (the first one is quite long, and the fourth one is a spoiler).

Characters: Our introduction to Edith was a lot of fun. I love that we got to see her as a child, and I liked seeing her childlike innocence. But there were times when the words she used felt a bit off for a child to use. I understand part of it was that she was mature–and I love that idea, but I think this could be shown through her thought process, and not necessarily her vocabulary.

For instance, in chapter one she uses the word 'hypocrite' and in chapter two she uses the phrase 'choreographed movements.' These felt like big words for a young kid. I would still love to see her mature reflection, unimpressed by the aristocrats, but maybe through different wording.

I also appreciate the way you showed what an impact Andre had on her when we met back up with her. In chapter five there was mention of the painter planting the seeds of republicanism, and I think that was cool to see.

Andre is intriguing. At first, it was clear there was more depth to him, as he seemed too mature for his age. He was kind in bringing bread to the homeless children and he held a unique point of view on the world. When we see him again, it only makes it clearer something is strange about him, and it was exciting to see that begin to unravel.

Grammar/Spelling: I hardly found any errors–the book is written very nicely. The only grammatical error I came across was in reference to dialogue.

Dialogue is often connected by a comma to a dialogue tag (I said, she yelled, a man whispered). [ex: "That cat is fast," he said.] Here, you can see the dialogue tag ('he said') is written in all lowercase.

The dialogue tag is also written in all lowercase if the dialogue ends in punctuation (question mark or exclamation point) [ex: "That cat is fast!" he said.]

In the prologue, you wrote: "Have you lived a happy life in this town for the past few years?" The youth asks in a soft voice.

This would be an error because you capitalize the word 'the.' To fix, simply lowercase it. ["Have you lived a happy life in this town for the past few years?" the youth asks in a soft voice.]

However, if the dialogue is not followed by a dialogue tag (he said, a man yelled, etc), then just end the dialogue with a period and continue writing.

In your text, you wrote: "My body is something I am well aware of," The old lady smiles calmly.

This would be an error because 'the old lady smiles' is not a dialogue tag, instead it infers action. So to fix, the dialogue should end with a period, not a comma, and then you can continue on. ["My body is something I am well aware of." The old lady smiles calmly.

Hope this made sense!

Final thoughts: You have the beginning to a really wonderful historical fiction novel. Your characters are complex and engaging, and a bit of mystery has been introduced with Andre. It's clear you are a talented writer and have a good understanding of how to structure a story, so I'm sure the rest of the story will be just as fun to read. Great work, and I really enjoyed reading!