Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Love at Dawn [Final]

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Love at Dawn

Author: @liebeklara

Plot Overview: I ended up reading the rest of your novel. I didn't think I had enough to offer anymore, so I decided to finish the book and give my final thoughts! And I'm happy I did–it was a great read! There were many heart-breaking moments over this last half of the book, and I was hooked trying to figure out what would happen to each character. Unfortunately, not many of them had a happy ending. /:

To break things down: chapters 20-25ish felt a bit slow. It took a while for things to fall apart between Edith and Andre, but once they had their fight in chapter 25, it felt like the pacing picked back up–which is what should occur toward the end of the book. And, on that note, I appreciate the complicated relationship between Andre and Edith. Their whole relationship was based on their politics, so as the revolution went on, it made sense for it to take its toll on their personal relationship.

The only real critique I have is in regard to the ending. It fell a bit flat for me. Reason being, nothing felt resolved. I understand there is a set up for book two, but it would have been nice for some chapters to feel closed. The main thing pushing me to keep reading was the mystery behind Andre, and I feel a little jaded getting to the end and still not fully understanding that. Also, most of our other characters met their demise, so there was little left in regard to resolutions. The only one still around is Raphael, and I don't know what happened to him.

Also, Fiona's story arc felt very unfinished. For one, her story didn't pick up until later in the story, and even then, it was only slices of her life. It was never entirely apparent to me what purpose she served, and I kept waiting for the storylines to intertwine. The closest I got to this was when Edith meets her father, but even then, it was mostly just coincidental. Maybe I missed something, but I'm just waiting for her story to make sense. In conclusion, there felt like a lot of loose ends, which didn't make for the most satisfying ending.

However, overall, you've done a great job with this story. You're a brilliant writer and a wonderful storyteller. Personally, I've never had any interest in history or period pieces. However, I was compelled by your story, and the reason for that was the way you introduced the characters. They were complex and relatable, so I was immediately invested. It didn't matter what time period they were in or if a lot of the subject matter was related to the revolution–which I knew little about–I wanted to find out what would happen to them. And I ended up learning a few things along the way! So great work, and you should be proud of what you've accomplished.

Pacing: Overall, the pacing felt nice. Toward the end of your story, the pacing should pick up. This typically occurs after the midpoint, which is halfway through the story, and I think you accomplished this, for the most part.

The only places that felt too slow were the breaks with Fiona. When her friends were telling their 'scary stories,' they felt a bit out of place. I understand one was to vaguely explain Andre's background, but overall, they took me out of the main action, and slowed down the pacing. Especially because they occurred later on in the book, where pacing should be picking up.

Style and Flow: Again, your writing style was what made this story. You use such wonderful wording and descriptors that paint a vivid scene. For instance, in chapter 24, I loved the way you described Fiona with things like 'cheeks plump like plums' or 'lips rosy as ripe cherries.' They convey the image and also mirror the childlike innocence of Fiona.

Furthermore, you use verbiage that's appropriate for the time period. The only time I was a bit thrown off was in chapter 21 when you used the word 'bestie.' That felt like a newer term and out of place. Other than that, you always set the tone and scene perfectly. Your writing is often poetic, and I felt this more and more as the story progressed.

Characters: You've done a fantastic job creating interesting and dynamic character arcs for each character. I loved how we got to watch Edith mature and come to her own conclusions about the world. As her political leanings were shaped, her views on Andre began to shift as well. As she matured, she started to take issues with some of the things Andre would do or say.

And for Andre, his journey was a roller coaster. I found myself starting to really dislike him as his jealousy grew or he started acting a bit erratic. I was angry he wasn't helping Edith more with her friends and confused by his surprise proposal. But it all made sense for the mindset he was in at the time. While still murky on his background, it's clear he's lived a troubling life. His experiences caused extreme dislike for the aristocracy and that seems to have motivated a lot of his actions. I see him as a character worthy of forgiveness.

These two had an extremely complicated relationship. You did a great job showcasing how Edith's love for Andre was a lot more complicated than his love for her. To Edith, Andre represented much more than just a lover. It was exciting and heartbreaking to watch their romance come to life.

Grammar/Spelling: I didn't notice many errors. The only things I noticed were errors I've mentioned in previous reviews. The punctuation with dialogue could still use some work. I'd research into what exactly dialogue tags are and are not, and make sure you're punctuating these things correctly.

For instance, in chapter 21 there is a place where you used the action 'smiled' as a dialogue tag. Smiled is not a dialogue tag because you cannot smile a word. So, it shouldn't be treated like one. A unique error is in chapter 26 where you write: "Yeah," Edith couldn't tell if he had let out a soft laugh or a sigh, "a Saint-Clemont."

You've connected this with commas as if that was a dialogue tag–it's actually acting as an interruption in the dialogue, so one option would be: "Yeah" –Edith couldn't tell if he has let out a soft laugh or a sigh– "a Saint-Clemont."

Final thoughts: You should be incredibly proud of what you have accomplished with this story. For many writers, the hardest part is completing a book, and you've accomplished that! On top of that, your knowledge of the time period jumped off the pages. You've created dynamic, interesting characters and have taken them on a meaningful journey. Your work served its purpose and has made an impact on me. So great writing! And hope you keep working on book two!