Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Lucifer's Garden

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Lucifer's Garden

Author: @durehland

Title and Cover: The title is cool–a bit of a play on words. It fits the theme and is intriguing. Also, I think the cover ties in nicely with the vibe you are going for. There is a subtle nod to Adam and Eve with the apple, but it's also dark and a bit strange. My only slight concern is, at first glance, nothing really suggests this is a romance novel. But as long as that's not a worry for you, I think the cover looks sleek and professional!

Blurb: The blurb is quite brief; there is little to no information offered. This may be intentional, which is alright. But if not, here are a few questions I have after reading. What does Lucifer have to do with the primaries? Is he running for office or working a campaign? And what does he think he has under control? If you wanted to offer a bit more clarity, you could add in some more detail.

Also, one small nit-picky grammatical thing–I would place the ending quotation mark after 'here.' and not after Shakespeare.

Plot Overview: The first chapter was exciting to read. You've done a great job setting up the story, while keeping mystery and secrets about Lucifer and his true intentions. Also, the plot twist at the end of chapter one was executed perfectly. Great job establishing the complicated relationship between Lucifer and Fedriel–it made the twist that much more effective.

Furthermore, in the later chapters, you did a great job of explaining the political scene and inner workings through actions and dialogue rather than a long information dump. This can be tricky to do, but you managed it well! I really like the twists and turns, like in chapter four, and the way they come so unexpectedly.

Pacing: The pacing has felt good to me so far. You do a nice job of describing the scenes and moving the story along without feeling rushed. The most fast paced moment was in chapter four, but because of the shocking twist, it felt appropriate for it to be moving quickly. So great work here, but I am interested to see where the story goes from here and if it keeps the momentum or slows back down. It's nice to have a mix of slow and fast points, so I'd keep up the good mix.

Style and Flow: I am loving your writing style. Everything is nicely described while also being concise. This helps the story flow wonderfully and makes for a seamless and enjoyable read!

Characters: The characters are what stand out to me most. I think this is where you really shine as a writer. You are able to clearly communicate the nature of each character, but you do it through their actions instead of just saying, "Adam is a good person."

Through Lucifer's repeated wicked actions, I really understand how he has no limits and no problem being manipulative to get what he wants. And, I am very intrigued in knowing exactly what his true intentions are. Also, with Adam, the way his coworkers treat him, and the way he rationalizes in his inner dialogue help establish his pureness. Great work here!

What I'd be interested in seeing from this point is how the latest incident in chapter four shapes the characters going forward. Character development feels like it will play a big role in the plot of this story, so I'm very intrigued to see how Adam and Lucifer will impact each other's personalities. This should be a fun dynamic because they are such extreme opposites of each other, and I wonder how things will fall at the end of the story.

Grammar/Spelling: I didn't notice any major or repeated errors while reading. I left one suggestion in an inline comment, but other than that, no worries here. You clearly have a good handle on this section, so not much to offer here.

Other: You had noted in your submission form for me to focus on dialogue, so I will give my thoughts on that here. I think your dialogue choices are quite smart–no unnecessary chit chat. Every word felt purposeful, either to add to the plot or for character progression. It also felt very realistic for each character.

My only note would be to focus on dialogue tags. I appreciate you not bogging down the story with 'he said, she exclaimed, etc.,' but at times, some more detail could be helpful to keep straight who is saying what. And, you don't have to use simple dialogue tags to achieve this.

Instead, after someone speaks, you could describe their body language or face. For instance, in chapter two, there is a section of Adam talking to Eve with no dialogue tags. You could add in some detail by saying something like: "Adam." Eve lowered her brows, staring at Adam with warning eyes.

Final thoughts: Overall, I really enjoyed these first four chapters. There were many unexpected twists and turns, and by writing engaging characters, I already feel invested in their journeys. In my review, I tend to focus on offering any advice I think could be helpful to enhance your writing, but I feel I didn't have much to offer here. You seem to be on a good track, so just keep up the good work! And I'd definitely be interested in reading more from you. (: